


The Heir

by Pocketism



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Brotp, Canon Universe, F/F, Felicity Smoak/Nyssa Al Ghul - Broship, Gen, League of Assassins - Freeform, Nyssa Al Ghul Protagonist, Nyssara, Occasional DCU References, Pre-Canon, dcu - Freeform, loa - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-05-29 02:22:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 41,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15062924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pocketism/pseuds/Pocketism
Summary: My name is Nyssa Al Ghul. I am the heir to the Demon. It is my birthright to inherit the League of Assassins from my father, Ra's Al Ghul. All my life I tried to be the daughter my father wanted me to be. But something-someone- has given me a new path.Now, to protect the one I love- I must turn from the only life I've ever known. And forge my own destiny. I am hardly welcome in Starling City, and my father is likely to force my return, by any means necessary.If I want a life with my Beloved, I'm going to have to fight for it. Thankfully, fighting is what I do best.





	1. It Starts With A Mission

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Arrow or any of its characters. The title will probably change later. The summary belongs to the creator of the gifset which is linked in the first I. I apologize now for any redundancy.

[I ](http://kendrasaunders.tumblr.com/post/125139141064/arrow-au-nyssa-is-the-protagonist-of-the-show-i)should never have let it go so far. I am...unaccustomed to things outside of my control. Despite my training and walls-things I forged to protect me from and for my father-I let it happen anyway and I'm not sure I can find it in me to regret a single moment. 

It starts-as most things in this life do- with a mission. To Starling City.

It's a simple recon, it's meant to last a week. I bide my time during the days and seek what I need at night. That's the plan. It's my plan and I planned it perfectly as is expected of me. A man is trafficking children. My mission is to find the ins and outs, once the week is over my orders are to bring in a team and dispatch the man and his...for lack of a better word, company and companions. The children will be sent home to any family they have left.

It's simple, as I planned.

I did not plan, on the very first day, to spend my time at the library in the college. I had little else to do after settling into the safe house and locating the target when I arrived last night. Father has always taught me that while power will always be power, so is knowledge. There's a large collection at home but it is full of books I've read many times over.

We also don't have any books with...imagination or heart. My mother used to read me stories about places and people that don't exist and I always loved them. I still enjoy them. I do not bring any back with me because I know how father will respond. It's what brings me to this section of the college library, curiosity and a love for the unknown.

I pluck a small book from the shelves I'd been trying to get time to read for many years on any mission I could. The cover is worn and the corners of the pages are beginning to yellow. I hear footsteps but ignore them, the building is public and I am not trying to get myself made before I've even started.

"2001: A Space Odyssey, a classic." I turn at the voice. It's a girl, young woman. Golden hair, blue grey eyes, and a smile with nothing but mischief behind it. Her clothes are plain, blue shirt and dark pants. She's beautiful, but young. "You don't look like a sci-fi kind of girl." I raise an eyebrow at that. Her smirk widens. "You strike me as more of a mystery/ thriller type."

"Is that a good thing?" I ask curious as to how I appear to be any type of way to a stranger.

"Maybe." She extends a hand. "Sara. Lance." I take it, her grip is firm. She's confident.

 "Nyssa." I don't tell her anything more. It's become a habit I need to break from to explain my titles. I doubt she would care much. She tells me my name is pretty and I thank her. She asks where I'm from, I tell her a half-truth. "My home is in Tibet." That fascinates her. Before I even realize we're sitting at a table nearby and talking. Just talking. It's something so simple and I realize I've never quite known how to do this. Talk to someone.

As the Heir I talk at my fellow...peers, let's call them. I do not have friends. I make conversation with people on missions to keep up appearances but it's fleeting, just a moment. This girl demands attention, though she hardly realizes it about herself. We've already talked for two hours before I realize it.

"I'm not even sure I want to be a doctor. Maybe it's pressure from my parents." She explains she's in pre-med, that her sister is studying to be a lawyer. She asks me what I do and I'm at a loss to really explain it myself. I tell another half-truth.

"I manage assets for my father. I help him find the ones he does not need." It's the truth, I leave out the executions I take part in for him, I leave out what I really do and who I really am.

"How long are you in town for?"

"Just a week, these things never take very long." I give nothing else and she doesn't ask for it. She insists she show me around the city while I'm here and there are several hours of daylight left so I don't see a reason to say no. She asks me if I've had something called a 'Big Belly Burger', she seems appalled that I don't.

* * *

"Isn't it like a rule to try the local food when you travel?" Sara leads me along a street, I think she enjoys her food more than I do. The burger sits heavy in my stomach but I do enjoy the fries.

"Is it? I have never heard of such a rule." She laughs.

"I gotta say, I've never heard anybody talk like you. It's like you stepped out of Pride and Prejudice." I'm unfamiliar with the work. She explains anyway. "It's a historical kind of story. English. They talk a lot like you do, it's cool." She glances at me with that same grin.

"I come from a family that is...very proper."

"Clearly." She tells me about how her sister is proper, her mother is proper, her father a little less so but he's never been one to bend the rules. Sara describes herself as the 'black sheep' of her family, the rebel. I wonder if that's who my sister is. A rebel to our father but not to his cause. Sara is easy to talk to. It becomes forgettable...things that are so simple.

"I have a class in an hour," she checks her watch. "We can meet up later, I can show you some Starling Nightlife?" Even without much social interaction I know a flirtation when I see one. Tempted as I am, I came here to do a job and I've already spent to many hours telling to much. I decline, there's disappointment behind the mischief now but she smiles anyway.

"Shame. Hopefully I'll see you before you leave." She takes out a pen with a slip of paper and scribbles something on it before pressing it into my hand with a grin. "For something a little more..." She shrugs. "Innocent." She heads back the way we'd came with a flip of her hair and a single backwards glance. Sara Lance is trouble, and I'm not sure I mean it in a bad way.

* * *

The paper has an address, instead of throwing it away I tuck it into my pocket against my wiser judgement. Sara Lance is an enigma. Maybe she is right about my taste in books-a mystery.

I use what remains of my time in the safe house preparing for tonight. If I can finish all of this before the week is out the better I'll be for it. I keep pushing talking to Sara out of my head. Distractions are dangerous, they cannot be tolerated even during simple reconnaissance. I push everything but the mission out of my head. There is no room for it. No time. 

Hours later and a small handful of information about the operation later I return to the safe house for some much needed sleep. I glance at the paper Sara had given me before parting ways. I shouldn't, I can't. I will not. That slip of paper...Sara Lance...

It was the beginning of the end for me. 


	2. Music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nyssa discovers music

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Arrow or any of the characters. I'm not rushing into romance. It may be a crush, cause that happens fast sometimes but they're just kinda buddies right now.
> 
> I apologize for any redundancy. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I own none of the songs used in any chapter

I wake at 5AM, as I always do, as I've been trained to do. That will never change. After my usual routine of exercises and a much better meal than that burger from last night-something I'll likely never eat again-I shower and [change](https://goo.gl/images/YJWH7H). It's fall in Starling, missions during this season have always been my favorite. It doesn't much exist in Nanda Parbat besides a crisper air in the morning and night.

 Against my better judgments I allow myself to go to the address Sara gave me last night. It's a cafe, small with several windows and large couches and chair along the walls. I see her before she sees me. She's tied her hair into a braid today. It's only 7 and she's already full of smiles for the people around her. How can one be so open with others? I wonder if it's simply my own flaw or one my father gave me.

"Nyssa." I realize I haven't paid attention and she's standing in front of me with a steaming cup of coffee. She grins, I notice the small dimple on her chin. "I almost didn't think you'd show." I force a smile underneath my thoughts. "I do require a guide, I've never been to Starling before."

"Do you want some coffee first?" She nods to the counter. 

"Honestly, I have never had very much of it." I realize there's something about this girl that makes others become open. I must be doomed because I have no defense against this kind of person. Laid bare. Again, she looks shocked. "I live in the mountains, Ms.Lance." Now she looks fascinated, I may have made this entire situation worse. But she doesn't ask anymore, which makes me curious.

"Ms. Lance makes me sound like my mother, just Sara please." She takes a pull from her straw.

"We can get you something simple, do you like sugar?" She leads us back towards the counter. I shake my head. "Never had much of that either?" I offer a small smile and she shakes her head. "You are a mystery. I don't even know your last name." She gives me an expectant look, I offer a complete truth this time. "Raatko, it is not spelled how it sounds."

"Nyssa Raatko. I like it." There's a deviance behind her smile now. She'll look for me, she won't find anything and I tell her as much. I wasn't prepared for the pout she gave after. She asks me why, if I work for a company. The company exists, I do not within it. "I am...a very private person." I'm unaccustomed to people showing so much emotion but it is...endearing, on one Sara Lance.

It's our turn at the counter. I'm at a loss, again. "Hi, my friend here is pretty new to coffee and doesn't really do sugar, you have a coffee for that?" The teenager behind the counter eyes me before turning back to Sara. "Simple cup of coffee, let her add what she wants." He shrugs. "If you're new you gotta acquire a taste for the extra." He offers. Sara pays for a cup and continues to grin while I try and figure out what I should add.

I decide on a pack of sugar and cream. "Pretty vanilla." I ask her what she has. "Chocolate chip frappe." She smirks, taking another pull of her drink through her straw. Vanilla indeed. We sit and talk, I shouldn't be. But nobody is here to tell me otherwise. 

Sara is clearly a very curious person. She asks about the books I read, why I wanted to read A Space Odyssey. "My father isn't a very imaginative man. Maybe it's a small rebellion. What kind of books do you like?"

"That's a loaded question. I dig a little bit of everything. I was a sucker for Harry Potter when it came out. I guess I like mystery too. I haven't read to much since I started taking classes." Her face falls, eyes downcast. I ask her why she doesn't make time to read what she wants if she does enjoy it. "I honestly don't know." She shrugs. "I should, there's a list of books and movies I want to get to." She sips her drink and hums when I sip mine. "How is it?"

I feel my face pull into a grimace. "Bitter." She laughs. I let her take it. I watch her as she goes back to the counter and adds something to it before returning. I try it again and it's much better. "Caramel?" She nods, chuckling. "Flavor is sometimes good." She offers.

Staying away from my life is the safest thing, for both of us. I ask Sara about her family. "My dad is a cop, he has never gotten a ticket or fine for anything." The fondness on her face makes me envious. I push myself constantly to be the person my father wants me to be, I always fall short. It must be-fantastic, to have something so easy outside of the League. "He got me a canary for my birthday when I was a kid, I love it. He sings all the time. Drives my sister crazy." She laughs.

"My mom is a professor, she teaches Greek and medieval history. I can't get my head around it but she loves that stuff." I smile. It's whole and feels real. I miss my own mother but feels nice talking to Sara about her own. She tells me about how her parents met, her smile is...sweet.

"Laurel, my older sister, I love her but she is...a little bit of an over achiever sometimes. Like I get it, but isn't life about enjoying getting where you want to go too? Shouldn't it be?" She honestly wants my answer.

"I'm not the best one to ask honestly. I've only ever done as my father asks. He's very strict." I answer, open. 

She watches me closely, I force my hands not to fidget under her gaze. "We need to do some things for ourselves. I mean I go to parties but...it isn't the same." She leans forward. "What kind of music do you like?"

"I don't,"

She cuts me off. "I swear if you tell me you don't listen to music I may scream." I smile but remain silent. "You don't listen to music do you?" I shake my head and take another sip of my coffee, it's cooling quickly or maybe we've just been here that long. Sara pulls something from her pocket and untangles it. "Here," she holds something to me. At my blank stare she bites her lip to keep from laughing. "You don't know what this is do you?"

She forces herself not to laugh and motions for me to come around the table. She waits for me to sit before gently tucking the bud at the end of the cord into my ear. "It's an earbud, like headphones." I was familiar with headphones but only partials for missions. I did not share that part. She plays a song. "This is Twenty One Pilots, they're a favorite of mine."

_You say things with your mouth  
_ _Cobwebs and flies come o-out_

_I hear a second voice  
_ _Behind your tongue somehow_

_Luckily I can read your mind  
_ _Flies and cobwebs unwi-ind_

_They will not take you down  
_ _They will not cast you o-out_

I give Sara a curious glance and she gives me a small smile with a raised brow. She's asking me if it's okay so far. I nod, her smile broadens. It's a curious song but it makes me want to hear more.

_Dear friend, here we are again  
__Pretending to understand how you  
__think your world is ending_  

I listen through and find I enjoy it. Music is a foreign thing in Nada Parbat. It's easy to realize what your life is missing when it's void of the subject. Sara tells me she doesn't have any classes when I ask. I believe she already considers me a friend. Something curious. I've never truly had one. My sister cannot possibly be counted. Sara's tastes in music vary as much as her taste in books.

_And now that it's over I'll never be sober  
_ _I couldn't believe  
_ _But now I'm so hi-igh_

"Childish Gambino, another favorite." She smiles. I enjoy this song too. The songs go from excited to mellow to a little angry and back to mellow. I enjoy almost every single one she plays.

_Love don't come so easily_  
_This doesn't have to end in tragedy  
_ _I have you and you have me  
_ _We're one and a million, why can't you see_

Sara bobs her head with this one. it's softer, more of a tale about a love lost than anything. "Rooney." She supplies

_I'm waiting, waiting for nothing_  
_You're leaving, leaving me hanging  
_ _When did your heart go missing  
_ _When did your heart go missing_

_I treat you like a princess  
_ _But your life is just one big mess_

"I can't believe you don't listen to music. It's a universal language." She smirks. "Not in a language a person doesn't speak." I counter, she pauses to think about it before chuckling. "That's true." She gets us more coffee and food between songs, she tells me to pick another song while she orders. I resolve myself to get something to listen to music on, I'll find some way to hide it from my father.

There's an entirely separate world hidden in these songs and there's a pull in my stomach that I find these things to late. Distaste maybe. Things like this bring joy and it occurs to me I have none in my life. There is nothing that I do that brings the feeling these songs invoke, nothing at all like it in my life. Sara had suggested doing something for myself, this is it. I want music. It's something small, almost insignificant.

Why should it matter if I have it? Father will say it is a distraction. So long as it falls between working a mission and training I still can't see the harm. This is something I never knew I wanted and now I crave it with every fiber of my being. Beautiful, complete, astounding music. Something free. Free...

"Hey, are you okay?" I look up at Sara's voice. She has a tray of food and coffee for us. Sara is free in all the ways I am not. It makes my heart twist and suddenly I find myself wanting to know everything she's ever done and how it felt. I don't. I simply nod. "Sad song?" She sits and takes a sip of her fresh drink. I shake my head quickly.

"No, nothing like that." I unwrap the sandwich, it looks far better than any fast food and I wonder why people eat the later. "It's only-," I think about how to say how I feel.

I'm not used to feeling anything. I was heartbroken when my mother died. I was angry when my sister left. I get angry with myself at my father's disappointment. "Have you ever realized you were missing something but...you never knew what it was until you found it?" The question is a rush and I'm not convinced I could repeat it if she doesn't understand. It feels like a betrayal of myself.

Surprisingly Sara nods. "Life is generally just like that. Take coffee, I never knew how awesome it could be until I really tried it. It's a little acquired taste but I'm not sure I'd make it through my lectures in the morning without it." 

"I would very much like to get one of these." I motion to the device, an iPod. "I'm not sure how I missed something so incredible." I take a breath. "There's not a great deal of anything positive in my work, my life. Music is...positive and freeing and fantastic. I need those things." Sara looks at me with something I can't explain before she smiles again. 

"Talking to you is kinda like talking to a dictionary."

"Is that bad?" Worry curls around my stomach and squeezes.

"Not by a long shot. You'd probably get along with my sister." She tucks her earbud back into her ear and picks the next song, I think this one is a favorite so far. Another song about love and feeling.

_Candy  
_ _She's sweet like candy in my veins  
_ _Baby, I'm dying for another taste_

_And every night my mind is running around her  
_ _Thunder's getting louder and louder_

_Baby you're like lightning in a bottle  
_ _I can't let you go now that I got it  
_ _And all I need is to be struck by your electric love_

We sit and talk around the music, eating and drinking coffee. Sara is lively and bright and lacks the darkness the League brings to people are pulls from people. I wonder if this could've been my life if my father wasn't who he is. It makes me wonder who I'd be and if I'd even be similar to who I am now or if I'd be someone like Sara. Complete. Close to it. Open with the world around me.

She asks me about my family, besides my father. I tell her about my sister. "A few years older than me. We do not get along terribly well. She wants our father's approval as much as I do if not more. She hates that he chose me to," for lack of better phrasing. "Run the family business." And even my title as Heir is dependent on how well I do. Fleeting.

He often tells me he can make another Heir. I'm never sure if he says it because I mean so little or because he knows it will push me to do better.

"Sisters fight. If I had a dollar for every argument I got into with Laurel I'd be rich." Sara shrugs, taking a bite of her sandwich. "You can work it out if you actually want to."

"Talia is difficult. She's my half-sister. I never much cared but it always made her angry." I need to know what part of Sara brings out this honesty in me.

_Oh a fantasy, taking over like a disease  
__Pull me out of this, I can't breath  
__Oh I just need a rest_  
From Paris

We spend the rest of the day there. Sara pays no other soul in the building any mind and neither do I. It feels nice. She says we'll meet here after her classes tomorrow morning and she'll take me to really see Starling, like the Rocket's stadium and Queen Consolidated, her favorite places to eat and meet friends from school, a tour of the actual campus. She forgets the business I'm here on and I don't remind her.

This space with this woman is a grey area in the black and white that is my reality. I wonder if this is a dream, but looking at Sara I know I could never imagine someone like her. I've never met another soul to compare her too so it would be impossible. This place feels safe. I feel free. There's another feeling coiling in my chest but I ignore it in favor of taking in every moment I have here. Every moment of freedom I can get.

When we part ways I almost forget why I'm here, what I'm doing and why. Sara is a person I never knew I was missing until I found her. A friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to do something like this because I honestly don't think Nyssa is aware of music, not really. Ignore the chronological errors of these songs versus the time I've set them in!
> 
> Lovely - Twenty One Pilots  
> Sober - Childish Gambino  
> When Did Your Heart Go Missing - Rooney  
> Electric Love - BORNS  
> Paris - Magic Man
> 
> I think Sara listens to a little of everything.


	3. Out Of My League

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Arrow. I do enjoy lining outfits though, makes it easier than describing them.

The next few days I allow myself to be a little lost in the storm that is Sara. I gathered all the information I needed by the third night for my mission to be complete, however; I feigned my completion by sending correspondence that there could be another trafficking site in Central City and would finish out the week to be sure there was not. I wasn't questioned.

The third day [I](https://goo.gl/images/gTu8PJ) meet [Sara](https://goo.gl/images/fPeSkT) at the café, Jitters-I believe. It's noon and she beams when I arrive, we don't even get coffee before she's taken my arm and pulling me back out the door.

* * *

Rocket's Stadium, a little smaller than I'd thought it would be but Sara lights up as we stand outside. "My dad still takes us to games sometimes. When we were kids he brought us here for every major game he could. Still have the hat he got me." My father did not spend time on frivolities. He read in his spare time and trained. There was nothing else for him. 

"Did your dad do anything like that?" She doesn't mean just sports.

"He took me to see where my mother was from once, a small place. I enjoyed it." It may be the nicest memory I have, I was seven, it was just after mother died and just before my training began. I glance at the small blonde. "He traveled much more then than now. She doesn't dig any deeper.

A bakery is next. Sara gets the largest danish I've ever seen, I decide on a small turnover-apple. Sara cannot seem to grasp that my culinary tastes are not very ranged. "I would try literally everything if I could travel like that."

"I once traveled through a place that served cow brains. They insisted it was delightful." My stomach turns at the memory.

"Oh my God, please tell me you tried it, wait...no never mind! Tell me you didn't." She laughs.

"I did not. There are some things one just shouldn't eat." I smile at her continued laughter. I think of my sister's mocking grin and sharp pointed laughs and I find myself enjoying Sara's company all the more. The world should know this kind of light and joy. Maybe it will if my father's mission ever ends. Replacing evil with death...I wonder if that makes us evil in the end as well.

There are a few old places she takes me by, an abandoned museum for dolls. Queen Consolidated. "Robert Queen runs this place, my sister is kind of dating his son. Whenever they're in the mood I guess." She scoffs.

"Is your distaste with Mr. Queen, your sister, or dating?" I'm curious.

She thinks for a moment, turning away from the building. "All of the above? Oliver isn't a bad guy he's just used to living like a trust fund kid, I don't want him to hurt my sister. No matter how annoying she can get she doesn't deserve that. My dad can't stand him."

"And dating?" The word is foreign in my mouth.

She shrugs. "I've dated, guys are usually assholes. Women have their moments but...I dunno," she glances at me again, expression filled with something I'm not sure of. Curiosity? "Waiting I guess, find the patience it takes to meet the right person." She loops her arm through mine as we cross the street. "You?"

I make a pained noise and she laughs again. Sara makes talking easy, easier than I've ever done it. "Here and there. Most things with my line of work are temporary."

The energy around her seems to dim. "When you leave, can you-can I," she can't find the words but I wait for them as we walk, aimless. "Can we still talk?" She looks at me and I finally realize what it is. Hope.

"I'm unsure." She frowns. "I do not have a phone, even if I did I still live in the mountains." She nods slowly. It's the last time we bring up my departure.

* * *

[I](https://goo.gl/images/tG8vji) meet [Sara](https://goo.gl/images/gdkKSS) at the edge of campus on the fourth day, we'd arranged it the night before. I've almost completely forgotten why I'm even in this city. All there seems to be is Sara. She grins when she spots me and waves goodbye to her friends. A girl calls after her, "Hot date?" Sara turns. "Jealous?" Her friends laugh with her.

"Hey stranger." She adjusts her bag over her shoulder, I return her smile-it's becoming easier to do. Sara refuses to be anything less than a friend to most people she meets, I'm no exception. "I have to drop some stuff off with my sister and then I'm all yours." I pretend to ignore the pink that dusts her cheeks after she says it and nod.

Sara introduces me as a new friend to her sister, I decide I do not mind. It's impossible not to be taken with this blonde hurricane.  

Laurel is impressed with me for some reason. She takes my hand in a firm grip and I return it. "Sara's friends aren't usually so," she motions to me with a vague wave of her hand. "Put together."

"Hey." Sara glares at her sister and I allow a small smile, I do not know either sister terribly well but I know Laurel much less so. "Cole wears blazers." Laurel smirks. "Cole also wears a muscle shirt with literally everything." 

Laurel presses me for answers for a few minutes while we're there. It feels like a test. She seems content with whatever she's learned after, pleasing Sara's sister gives me an odd feeling of happiness and satisfaction. She stops us before we go. "I like her." I'm almost certain she means for me to hear. The younger Lance groans and pulls me out of the office after her.

"My sister likes you, it's a clear sign we can't be friends." She chuckles.

"So that was a test." I don't pull away when she leans against me and links our arms together. She nods. "To what end?"

Sara sighs. "I uh-I don't usually make friends with great people. Not all of them are jerks but they aren't all great or good either." An odd feeling of needing to protect her blooms in my chest. I've felt similarly about my charges going through the trials of the League to become full members, but this still feels different. "You may be the most 'put together' person I've ever met outside my family."

"That feels like an achievement." I don't joke, yet here I am. Sara laughs, it feels better every time she does.

"It is. My sister is impossible to really please. Maybe she just has high standards. Like a billionaire. You're not a billionaire are you?"

"I am not."

"Which stratosphere are you in then? Millionaire?"

"I can live very well if I choose not to work again after this week." It's another half-truth. Sara deserves complete honesty but I cannot be the one to give it to her, not now, maybe not ever. But I can stay in these moments, lock them away to admire and bathe in the joy they bring when our time comes to an end. "If you retire after this week does that mean you'll get a phone like regular people?" Sara asks playfully.

I glance at her. There's that hope in her eyes, she doesn't explicitly ask. "Maybe." I supply with a small smile.

She leads us to the aquarium. I enjoy every moment. "No local museums where you live?" I tell her we don't, that there's history all over Tibet but where I live has no real entertainment. I suppose Nada Parbat could be considered a museum in itself. She asks what I can possibly do for fun when I'm home. "I like to read and train." I curse myself for the slip.

"Train?"

"I practice many kinds of martial arts, my father insisted when I was a child." A whole truth. I'm unprepared for her excitement at a simple truth about myself. She insists I show her something before my time in Starling is over. I reluctantly agree and wonder what I could possibly show the daughter of a police officer who already has some self defense training, without doing to much. 

We make small talk about the different animals in the aquarium, what kinds of martial arts I know, if my family knows them too. These are simple things I can answer. In-between the talking I decide what to teach Sara.

"Taekwondo."

"What about it?"

"I can show you a few moves if you'd like."

Sara beams. "Like what?" In the back of my mind I realize her arm is still looped through mine. "Some badass take downs?" I find myself laughing. 

"No, nothing so extreme. A few stances and kicks, there is also Judo but that style is made for using the enemy's weight against them. You strike me as more of a contact kind of girl." She bobs her head and smiles. "Can we start tonight?" I immediately regret my decision at the devious glint in her eye. "After the aquarium." I promise.

* * *

 For two days there is no more sightseeing. It's only Jitters, and showing Sara simple movements. She's a surprisingly quick learner. After the first night of teaching her a few stances I find she favors the side and the-less popular-hook kicks. I show her how to properly  execute the pincer hand strike. It takes hours but she takes to it much like a fish to water.

"Martial Arts may be like, my thing." Sara gasps between taking long pulls from her water bottle. We use her parents basement, it's familiar for her and lacks the pressure of being within watching eyes. Neither are home. It makes me curious.

"Your _thing_?"

"Yeah, like...I know it's only a little but my dad only had us learn basics for self defense. Besides the obvious like kicking someone in their _business_ or some pepper spray, this makes me feel way better. Crime isn't exclusive to the night in Starling Nyssa, I just take you through the good neighborhoods. The Glades are," her expression becomes exasperated. "Awful, no matter what time you walk through it."

"You should find a place and continue if you enjoy it."

"I might. I like how this feels." She stretches her arms and smiles. "You make an awesome private tutor." There's the pink across her cheeks again. We both ignore it and continue the short lesson. I don't want to think of the after.

* * *

On the last day of my time here-which should have been days ago-Sara becomes quiet. She lacks the same brilliance that came with the last week of knowing her, her silence makes my heart clench painfully and it confuses me so I push it aside. This shouldn't have gone on so long. I should be back home preparing for my next mission or already on one. 

We sit quietly on a bench in a park I do not remember the name of. The three other Assassins coming to meet me to close the trafficking trade, hopefully for good, will be at the safe house tonight. I turn to Sara, her eyes don't meet mine. "This entire week you've been a ball of energy. What makes you so sad today?"

She scoffs, she sounds hurt. "I know it's been a week, but I really liked getting to know you Nyssa." Her eyes finally meet mine. "You have been the most interesting person I think I'll ever meet, and I'll likely never see you again after today so...yeah-I am a little sad." I hadn't expected that.

My lack of expectation leaves me with a lack of words. This is not my forte. Comforting people. I'm not designed for it. I have been designed to become a killer since the day my father learned of my existence. Being the Heir was always my destiny before I ever even knew anything else. I never wanted anything else because I never knew any other way to live. Exist. Trying to gain his approval has been all that's ever mattered. 

Until this moment, or maybe it was several different moments before. I cannot be sure. What I am sure of is that Sara is an amazing person, she doesn't deserve the darkness my life brings. She deserves someone whole. In this moment that is all I want to be, and so I make myself. For her. For one Sara Lance. I tell what could be a complete lie because I do not see the future. "I'll likely pass through again. It may be soon or it may be a while, I don't know."

There's that hope again. If her laughter and brilliance don't cripple me for the rest of my life, that look of hope on her face will.

I tell her a complete truth. "I believe we'll cross paths again."

She smiles, my heart clenches again and I'm not sure if it's in pain or joy or a little of both. "I think so too. At least I hope so." She tries to be a little happier afterwards and I appreciate it.  She shows me where her father works, where her mother teaches, the school she went to as a child ("I hated that place, kids are jerks"). "I'm gonna keep going with the Martial Arts thing. It feels...right."

"Perhaps the next time we meet you can show me something." I smile, it feels playful. I haven't even been able to recognize myself this last week. Sara's eyes gleam mischievously as she agrees with me. I take in every moment I can before we part ways. The sun is tinting the sky a bright pink. I leave her at the precinct so she can go home with her father. A small comfort. I must prepare for the League's arrival.

"I want you to have this." She holds out her hand. It's her iPod. My heart squeezes uncomfortably and I almost refuse her gift. "I know how much you wanted one but it takes forever to get a good playlist and with no internet where you are it'll probably take longer. I really want you to have this." A gift of music can never truly be wrong, I swallow the lump in my throat and take it.

It feels like the greatest gift in the world to me. No. It is the greatest gift. It's a symbol of a moment with something I know I can't live without now that I've had it. Now I'm left with the dilemma of living without the one who was the reason I was able to have that moment in the first place. When one has someone like Sara, even for a moment, in their lives...how do they go without after? 

I will have to weather that storm before I find my answer. If there even is one.

The last person I hugged was my mother, it was two months before she died-when she didn't have the strength to move in the last weeks. It was tight and full of broken promises and a hole for a person who could never replace her. Hugging Sara is almost as heartbreaking. Less broken promises. The lies I've told Sara fill the gaps of the reality that this may be the last time I see her. I find myself hoping that the belief we'll see each other again is real.

Having never had a real friend, Sara consumed a space in my life I never noticed was there until she filled it. Knowing her has made me realize why I can't seem to find any joy in my life. Why I shouldn't. I refuse to acknowledge it. Not now when there is still work to be done.

Instead I ready myself for the night in the safe house, the last song Sara had playing on repeat.

_Forty days and forty nights  
_ _I waited for a girl like you to come and save my life_

_All the days I waited for you  
__You know the ones who said I'd never find someone like you_  

_And you were out of my league_  
_All the things I believed  
_ _You were just the right kind  
_ _Yeah you were more than just a dream_

_You were out of my league_  
_Got my heartbeat racing  
_ _If I die don't wake me  
_ _Cause you are more than just a dream_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beginning. Still not love yet. Just a kind of crush.
> 
> Out Of My League-Fitz and the Tantrums
> 
> I have always felt this was a perfect song for Nyssa and Sara, however sad.


	4. Happy Returns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still don't own Arrow. I apologize for any redundancy, it's still been a long time getting back into writing and I'm garbage at most 3rd POV so I prefer to stick to 1st.
> 
> Fight scenes are not my strong suit, I'm super sorry. And the mission she's on with Merlyn isn't even the main focus, it will be eventually for like that first season vibe but right now it's a means to an end.

The journey back home is long, as it always is, something about this time feels different to me. Sara's iPod is safely tucked away. The thought almost makes me smile. That's why this trip seems a million miles longer than it ever has before. The new gap in my reality I still can't fully understand or acknowledge yet. Not here, where the other members of the League-who honor my father above any false loyalty to me-where every flinch is inspected and dissected.

The hours drag like days and I force myself to ignore the memories of mischievous eyes and wide grins. I haven't the time.

Finally. _Finally_ , we arrive and I have to force my spine to remain straight as I detail the mission to my father. I keep my hands tight to my sides and focus my eyes on the back wall. To be the Heir is to be unmoving. Devoid of.

He seems satisfied and it makes my stomach roll uncomfortably in fear. My father reads everything, takes everyone apart with a look. I cannot allow him to take this apart, to discern my distraction and root it out. I should never have even talked to Sara. It was to dangerous. He dismisses me with a wave of his hand and a small glimmer of respect in his eye.

My bed catches me as I collapse. I wonder if I could've remained still if he had kept me longer.

Here, alone, I let my new reality envelope the room. It used to feel comfortable-this place where even my father hardly entered. It used to. Now I've seen the other side. A house that feels welcoming and warm, filled with good memories. The walls seem to bend away from me to show me just how little I truly have. Hallow. Empty. This place, room...it all feels empty. I feel empty.

I retrieve Sara's iPod and leave the walls of my _home_ behind for a moment of peace elsewhere. It's miles away, passed the village down the valley, before I sit and relax. Deep breath in, and out...I repeat it several times to avoid crumbling in on myself at my revelation. 

I _feel_ empty. I always have. It was simply something I never had the opportunity to notice until I realized what being whole could be. Until I met Sara. She's still young, far from complete but she's whole and full of life and emotion. I feel envious of that life.

I press play.

* * *

In two days my aggravation becomes more noticeable. Sara's music does little to calm me before I recall any words to the music. I'm angry. I'm lost. Being both makes me more angry. Training may have been a mistake. I circle my opponent.

Wasim, if I remember correctly. Though rage pumps through my veins to much for me to truly recall any detail of anything. I hardly remember my own name. He's new. Only a few months into this life. Copper hair, blue eyes, unblemished skin. Looking at him burns. I feel myself blink out of existence. I'm not on the training grounds, not in Nanda Parbat, Tibet. I'm not anywhere. I'm not anything.

I'm not anyone.

My anger calms and I come back to myself. Wasim is on his side, trying not to choke on his own blood. I hadn't realized what I'd done. The gashes in his cheeks would scar, he'd never look the same. Innocent. The thought made me feel better and it makes me sick that it does. What is this life? Who comes here willingly for... _this_? I take a breath. I keep my head held high as I head back inside. No one stops me.

"Is there a reason for your agitation?" It's hours later that father enters my rooms, curious. Barely. He wants to know what made his Heir, his image, lose control. I've already washed Wasim's blood from my hands. The open cuts I received in turn on my knuckles ooze a clear fluid. The sting is a minor background buzz against the noise.

I tell him a half truth he will believe. "In Starling City...there are evil things done everyday. We replace evil with death. I wonder if by only targeting certain things we have allowed other evils to fall through."

"And this curiosity is the only reason you've scarred a new recruit?"

I nod, eyes low. If father did things as childish as rolling his eyes I'm sure he would have. "If I had the resources it would be...different. I do not, so we do not. I can; however, look into the matter of Starling City." His voice is calm, there is no emotion. His expression is one of mild irritation. "Afterwards, that will be the end of this nonsense. Losing control. I expect better." He leaves after.

He was disappointed. It hurts less this time.

* * *

The next day I am sent to Russia with two others, Aleasifa and Jadid. I pay no real mind to the details. I allow myself to get lost in what should be my only focus. The movements and understandings that this is my only reality. Everything else was just a dream. Fantasy. I should never have allowed that weakness to present itself.

I find it to late, but it still makes my heart clench and I wonder if it's still in my chest or in my throat. In a rare moment to myself with the only reminder that Sara was real...I find a video. It's the only one in the log. My fingers shake when I press the button.

Seeing her face feels like a balm to the anger that's been coiling inside.

"Hey Nyssa! I hope you find this! I wanted it to be a surprise or something to remember me by..." she pauses and I almost don't take in the rest of what she's saying.  She laughs at herself. "Besides the gift of this whole thing anyway, _anyway_!" She waves a hand, batting the stray thoughts away. "I didn't want this to be a sad thing or something. I just wanted to say I'm actually going to miss you, like a lot more than I thought I could for someone I've only known a week."

My hands stop shaking. The inferno of my emotions the last month finally simmer to ash. Sara filled a void. Seeing her again reminded me of that. Of how empty I am. How pointless my life serving my father seems. That I feel like nothing.

That I _am_ nothing...less than.

"I hope we meet again, I'm pretty sure we will. I can see it now." Her eyes close tight and her smile brings one of my own. "We meet again at Jitters and we spend the whole day catching up over coffee." Her eyes open again, she's still grinning into the camera. I made you a playlist, I hope you like it. You'll have to tell me what you think. Someday." Her laughter is soft, quiet.

"I hope your day is going okay. Or great, everybody deserves a great day. All the time." She laughs again. "I uh-I checked out that book before you left. I'll make time for myself to read it. Something for me to have." She pauses again. Unsure. "I'm still really surprised by how much I hate this, not getting to know you better. Honestly I told you more than you told me but I," she sighs, looking away from the camera.

"I don't know. I thought we had this...connection." She looks back. "Have you ever met someone and you just kind of knew they'd be a part of your life somehow?" She takes a longer pause, it feels like we're back in that coffee shop in the morning with a comfortable silence between us. She waves her hand again before refocusing on the camera. "Next time you're in town I'm taking you to a Rocket's game, non-attendance is not an option." She grins. "We can meet up with my sister again, she really did think I should be around more people like you."

Killers.

The video continues on, she asks me about my travels, where I am and where she thinks I am. What I could be doing. I miss Sara. More than I thought possible. After several minutes it finally concludes.

"Anyway, I hope you like the playlist I made. That your travels are safe and that you're doing awesome. Wherever you are." She stares into the camera for a long moment and it has me wondering if this is something that's currently happening, live, before I return to my senses. "I will...see you around." Her smile is sad, voice determined. She's resolved herself to see me again, somehow.

There's hope in her eyes. I miss that too.

I press play.

"Hey Nyssa!"

* * *

I lose myself again in the moments between the missions and being whoever the Heir to The Demon is on them. A business woman, a lost tourist, complete strangers. It's been almost two months since I left Sara. Starling. I have played the list of songs marked under my name almost everyday since, I take private time to charge it in shops under the guise of reconnaissance. No one questions it because no one knows I have it.

Never have I been able to keep a secret from father for so long. It feels good. Some of the songs are sad, they remind me of the loss of my mother. The angry ones remind me of my sister and father. The happy ones, there are a lot, remind me of my time simply being Nyssa Raatko. I enjoy every second of all of them, of my own rebellion against the silence I never knew was here.

I play the video almost every night.

It comes as a surprise when my father pulls me into his study. "Word has reached me of Al-Sahir, they are _rumors_ but they are...troubling." He explains that he needs me to return to Starling City and either prove or disprove the reports. "If they hold any truth then he must be disposed of. I did not take in Merlyn for him to use those skills to return a greater evil to the world. Track him, see what he has been up to, be rid of him if he has turned."

He gives me a month and a list of names. I am a stone until I am on my first flight back to the States.

I worry myself into a frenzy wondering what I'll do if I run into Sara and then another when I wonder what I'll do if I don't. Starling is large, the only place she'll be fore sure is the coffee shop and I do not know if I should seek it out or let it be.

For the time being I decide to do just that and let it go. I find Merlyn's company and identify at least two people on the list who could possibly know something about his plans. The list is a small one, all I need is a month. I return to the safe house. I feel exhaustion creep into my bones from the lack of rest on the time it took to get here. I glance at Sara's iPod and think of trying to meet her.

I let it go again.

* * *

 Thomas Merlyn is...decidedly useless. His estrangement from his father crosses him off the list quickly. He is simply a spoiled child who lacks any real warmth in his life. The comparison shakes me. If father had been someone else, could this have been me? Living off his money with no care in the world? I'm not convinced. I do not believe I could see the world fall apart around me after my mother's death and do...this.

He knows no one of importance to this mission other than Merlyn himself and those conversations are sporadic. Why the boy decides to stay as opposed to finding his own path is a mystery. I try to ignore the parallel to that as well.

By the third day I decide I cannot take not knowing and the distance. I go through the same routine before leaving the safe house, I need to know. I can't ignore this particular thought anymore. How is she? The quieter question of, does she miss me too is the more painful one. How can it be like this after simply a week of knowing and then two months of distance? How does Sara do this and does it happen to everyone she meets?

I see her before she sees me. It's early and I'm not sure if it's for a class or something else. I want to ask her. She's with Laurel and I have a moment of doubt that this may be a bad time. I turn to leave. This was a terrible idea. The League is my only focus. It has to be. Who _am_ I without it?

"Nyssa?"

I curse under my breath and turn to see [her](https://goo.gl/images/uWjNhr) watching me with...hope. Her smile is almost blinding and it pulls one from me without me completely realizing it. She crosses the space between us and her arms are tight around my neck in a hug before I register she's moved at all. I hug her back after a pause. I am not used to affection. The happiness feels like a hum under my skin.

Sara is here, whole, still full of light and holding me tighter than I can ever remember anyone doing before we met. I wonder how I'd lasted two months without this. She pulls back, still smiling. "When did you get back?" Her hands are tight against my arms.

"A few days ago. Decided to see a familiar blonde." I don't tell her that I don't know any other blonde. She laughs. "How were classes?" Something simple. She takes a step back, albeit a small one. I see Laurel making her way over slowly behind her. Sara nods. "They went well. Still not sure it's what I want to do, don't tell my dad that."

It's easy around Sara. Maybe it's supposed to be that way. The void is filling. The chasm of depression I never truly knew I had. I had filled it with this life, the missions, the training, my father's expectations. I let the League consume my soul and looking at Sara brings the things I had buried back to me. What little there is to be salvaged.

"Sara wouldn't shut up about you after you left." Laurel smirks. It's good-natured in a way I find myself envious of yet again. I only ever wanted my sister to be my sister like Laurel is to Sara. I offer a smile. I'm not used to wanting to laugh but I do. I'm not sure what it sounds like anymore honestly.

I notice the blush on Sara's cheeks. She glares at her sister. "Shut up." It's a hiss. She's embarrassed.

Laurel feigns innocence. "What? You wouldn't."

Sara turns to me. "She's making it sound weird. I just said I'd miss you and that you got me interested in Martial Arts as a hobby." Laurel hums behind her cup of coffee as she takes a sip, she ignores Sara's glare. The older Lance offers a hand, still a firm handshake. "It's nice seeing Sara's put together friend again. Anyone that can get her to stop partying and take an interest in...well anything else is good in my book."

I decide I like Laurel. I ignore the obvious elbow Sara nudges her sister with. "Don't you have that thing you need to do?"

The sisters stare at each other and something passes between them, it makes Laurel smirk again and I'm at a loss for what silent conversation is being relayed. "Right, that _thing_. I totally have to do that." She looks back at me. "Have fun." Another hidden message I do not understand but Sara blushes.

I glance at Sara curiously, she reads the question without needing me to ask. She shakes her head. "Ignore her." She waves a hand in Laurel's departing direction. "Come on." She smiles and takes my hand, pulling me towards the door.

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise."

I lose myself in the storm again. Finally content.

* * *

 Sara takes me to the gym she's been training at. It is empty. She tells me she's been here almost every day since I left. She grins at me. There's something behind her eyes again. Mischief. "Ready to see some sweet moves?" I smile at her confidence.

"I've been studying Taekwondo. I like the kicking." She laughs. "But I started learning some Judo too. Apparently I'm like...a natural." She takes off her jacket. "I need a sparring partner." She points to me, still grinning. I can feel the look on my face before she sighs. "Come on Nyssa, I know you can kick someone's ass if you have to. Show me what you can really do."

I highly doubt she'd still want to be associated with me if I showed her all I can do. "We're still in street clothes Sara." She bites her bottom lip and shrugs.

"We avoid the heavy stuff then." Her expression turns to nothing less than coy. "Afraid I'll win?" She laughs a the shock that I can't mask quickly enough. My pride lashes out and I'm taking my jacket off before I realize it and pulling my boots off, she does the same. I do not take the time to stretch like she does. We circle each other. I force the image of Wasim before and after our spar from my mind.

I would never hurt Sara.

"Your foot work is good." I muse, she continues to grin. I catch her backfist easily, the surprise on her face is oddly gratifying. She steps away and returns with a side kick, she favored this when I showed it to her. It is far to easy to catch and I only hope any attacker would not be able to. I'm not prepared for her to force her other leg up while I still have her other held steady. She falls to the floor when I stumble back. She is good. She'll be better.

"How's that for foot work." She smirks.

"Do not goad me Sara. It won't work." A lie. She knew it was because she got me to spar in the first place. We both ignore it.

It carries on, she ends up on the mat both purposefully and because I put her there several times. I evade and easily untangle myself from her locks, she needs more work on those. She was right, so was I, she's taken to this and with this. Her tells are a little to obvious sometimes however. She tries another backfist, I smile at her as I catch her arm.

"Stop clenching your jaw." I release her wrist. "Gives you away." She groans.

"Are you like, not even impressed by how awesome that just was? I didn't know anything two months ago!"

"I am impressed Sara. That is not easy."

Her face is blank before another grin spreads. Her joy is infectious. "I missed your dictionary lingo."

"Lingo?"

She rolls her eyes. "You know lingo. Your business jargon style." Sara strings the most confounded sentences together and they're nothing short of amusing. She sits and pulls her shoes back on, groaning about the sweat. "Street clothes weren't a great idea." I think for a second to offer her a place to change at the safe house but think better of it as it seems wildly inappropriate somehow.

She offers me the same, openly, at her house. Her father is at work and her mother is teaching until later in the evening. If I thought for a moment she would accept my decline I would have. But Sara is Sara.

I shouldn't have let it get this far. I wasn't meant for this life, warm and full. I wasn't designed for it.

It's with a surprisingly painful clench of my heart and stomach that I realize I am more than the Heir. That I could deserve to be more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just address the moments of depression and the slightly hypocritical decisions of Nyssa deciding if she should or shouldn't see Sara. 
> 
> I've struggled with depression my whole life so describing those moments where Nyssa realizes what happiness and warmth feel like are real and I honestly believe she was very depressed before she met Sara, she just didn't realize it because there has been nothing else. 
> 
> As for the switching between seeing Sara and ignoring it, all her life she's only been one thing. A warrior and a killer. Sara presents an opportunity to be something more and she's a little afraid of that. I want to explore a little more of her deciding she wants more as opposed to her just having to live one way.
> 
> Yes Sara will still eventually become The Black Canary.


	5. Ta-er al-Sahfer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Arrow. Sorry for the late update, filling these out will call for later update dates. 
> 
> I apologize for any redundancy.

The last time I was in the Lance home it was a brief time before venturing into the basement for a sparse lesson on self defense. She leads me upstairs this time. She laughs when I remove my shoes. "Is that an Eastern thing?" She smiles, halfway up the stairs, her shoes still on.

I frown, confused. "I believe it's a respect and cleanliness _thing_." She shakes her head and continues. I follow slowly. I want to take my time and enjoy this moment of freedom. Just like before I feel like Nyssa Raatko, I can hardly tell which is which anymore. If there is anything of me outside of the League. I want to find out.

Sara's room is...interesting. My own is lined with weapons and expensive silks and small trinkets I allow myself. Sara's room is almost alive. Her bed in mostly made, a few pictures on the wall-some of them her family while others are from films. There's a self of books with tape marked underneath either side as _Read_ and _Unread_. A desk is pressed against the wall with a scatter of papers on its surface. A pair of jeans lay on the floor and a jacket is draped over her desk's chair. There's a few pairs of shoes haphazardly lined long the back wall.

It's a very Sara space and I don't notice the smile on my face at first.

She's standing by the window, beside a cage. A little canary flits around inside, whistling. Sara waves for me to join her. "He doesn't really have a name, I don't think he minds." She grins when he sings, I'm not sure if he is happy or trying to ask who the stranger in his home is. "I've had him for a while, he's getting old."

"How old is he?"

"Ten. I read they can live for a long time if they're healthy. I let him out to fly around every other day. Sometimes everyday."

I eye him curiously. It's a fitting pet for Sara. Bright and full of sound. "Ta-er al-Sahfer." I mumble. I feel Sara's eyes on me. "What is that, it's pretty." Her voice is quitter now. Besides the bird's singing there's a blanket of silence in the room that demands a lower volume. I'm unsure where it came from and when it started but I do not mind it either.

"It's Arabic. It means yellow bird."

I watch her tip her head to the side before nodding. "A little girly but I still like it. Where were you when he needed a name ten years ago?" She jokes, I know it's a joke but I still don't completely grasp them. Where was I ten years ago? Learning a new way to kill someone most likely. In this life most things bleed together. Literally.

Sara leaves him alone and searches for something. I stay to watch him turn his head from side to side curiously as he watches me watch him. I wonder if he feels trapped in there or if he even understands the concept that he is. Is this what my life is. 

"Here are some extra clothes, they may not fit just right." She wants me to stay. I take the small bundle she offers me. That's why I'm here with her. She didn't want us to part ways quite yet. I didn't either. I thank her after she tells me the restroom is down the hall. I try to control the envy that seems to weave itself into my bones as I take in the photos along the walls.

Sara and her sister with who I can only assume is their father, outside the stadium. Laurel with a trophy. The sisters together, beaming at the camera. Their mother and father at their wedding. Is this what a family feels like? Involved? My mother was involved. She was the only thing that kept my father from beginning my training sooner.

The clothes are only just to small but still comfortable. Sara has already changed by the time I return to her room. It's oddly a little cleaner this time. She offers a small smile. "I'm not sure you could look bad in anything."

"Thank you." I place my clothes aside and return to the cage. "I never had any pets."

"Never?"

I shake my head. Father would not have allowed it. Domestic animals, animals in general actually, foster feelings of...well any kind. To feel is to be weak, to be weak is to be incapable of being the Heir. "Strict dad again, huh?" She's standing beside me. The question feels rhetorical so I don't answer. The silence between us stretches with the only sound the canary's singing.

It's beautiful. This life is beautiful.

"Yeah?" I curse to myself, or I hope I do. I hadn't meant to speak aloud. "I guess it's pretty okay. Your dad sounds like kind of a hard-ass. No offense."

"None taken I assure you." My father has never been any less than a demon. "My mother was where I took solace." She asks-softly-about my mother. I've only told her a little. I'm unsure if I don't share my mother with others because I cannot remember or I'm afraid it will hurt. No that's not it. I've just had no one to share her memory with. Father refused to talk after we returned from her village. Talia had hated my mother.

"Amina. She was...kind, giving. I'm ashamed to say I do not truly know about her relationship with my father. Most of her time before she was sick was spent with me. Father didn't want me to see her afterwards. She used to take me to the markets." I don't tell her that after she died was when things changed. I changed. I'm not sure I'd have ever been trained as the Heir if she'd lived. Her death caused the ripple.

The chasm began after I lost her.

I tell Sara I'd prefer not to talk about her anymore. "I shouldn't have-I'm sorry Nyssa," she stumbles over her words, she feels she's overstepped. She coughs awkwardly. "Um," she waves a hand. It must be a habit. "The video. Did you find it?"

I nod. "Thank you. It helped." Maybe someday I can tell her how. If this month isn't really the last I'll see of her. She beams, I wish I could smile like she does-instead I offer the smile I've actually gotten used to. I ask her if she wants the iPod back. She shakes her head quickly. "No no, Nys," she chuckles. "It's a gift. A gift means you keep it."

"Nys?" I have never been called by a...'nickname', before. It feels like something heavy is being set on my chest. Sara blushes, apologizing. "I am not bothered Sara. No one has ever called me that before. My father and sister hardly even call me by my name."

Her eyebrows furrow in confusion and her lips purse. "What do they call you then?"

"Daughter and sister."

Sara's expression is a mix of shock and exasperation. "That's a _lot_ impersonal, what the hell." She's not asking, for some reason it offends her.

I shrug, used to this life it doesn't bother me. Then I take a moment to see it as she would. If her caring parents suddenly stopped calling her by her name and any other 'nicknames' they'd had for her and it changed to a simple designation of what instead of who...I always wanted my sister to be my sister, she wanted my title. Talia believed she deserved to be Heir because she was first born and it was her right. I knew it was something I needed to earn by my own will or father would never see me.

I'm still not convinced he does. "It's what I'm used to Sara, do not be upset."

"I just don't get it." She paces her room for a few long seconds, running her fingers through her hair. It's a little shorter than the last time I'd seen her and her bangs are a little less straight. She faces me, frowning. "I'm sorry but I just can't understand that. You shouldn't have to be used to that, to this."

" _This_ ," I motion to her. "Is a new development." Her perplexed expression forces me to expand what I mean to say. it's simple. "Having a friend. The life I've had is something I have gotten used to. I adapt as one usually does. My father has never been warm and my sister never loving. It simply is how I live in my own reality." I smile, small-beseeching. "But I do like this difference in the usual pattern...someone involved."

Sara's smile is slow, as if she's just realized what I really said. Her cheeks tinge pink. Her mouth moves as if unsure of what to say and I momentarily panic that I've ruined it before I remember that she is smiling. "I like that too." It comes out in a rush of breath, I almost don't hear it. She shakes her head. "I got this," she turns to the shelf of books. "I decided to read it after you left."

2001: A Space Odyssey is clutched in her hand when she turns back to me. "You can borrow it if you want." Borrow...if I keep it I won't see her again. I thank her and take it carefully. It's another silence later that I notice she's taken my hand and is tugging me back into the hallway. I want to ask if she's this forceful with all of her friends, she pauses at the door frame and looks back at the canary.

"Bye...what did you call him?"

"Ta-er al-Sahfer." She snaps her fingers. "That thing!" She waves to him as though he can answer as she can. He sings instead.

"I need some food! There are some things leftover, sandwich options," she releases my hand and grins over her shoulder. "I make a mean pop tart." I tell her that I have no clue what that is and remind her I still live in the mountains. She laughs. "It's like...toasted bread with a sweet filling and frosting on top."

I frown. "That sounds terrible." She insists I try one. I watch as she rummages around in a cupboard for the item. I've never spent much time in the kitchens back home. My mother used to bring me with her all the time, from what I can remember. Sara toasts one and leaves the other plain because, _'I think they're both delicious but some weirdos like one or the other'_. It has strawberry filling with white frosting and what I assume are sprinkles.

It's terrible. She laughs at the grimace I make, takes the rest and eats it while she prepares sandwiches instead.

"So why did your dad want you to get into self defense? Did he like, always know you were going to travel and work for the company?" It's casual, something perhaps friends discuss.

I twist the truth. I feel guilty before I even open my mouth. "It's not just self defense and yes. What I would do was decided before I was born. He wanted me to be prepared for anything." Anyone. "My father does not quite have anyone who could take over when he retires besides me." Dies. If he ever does. He tried for several years to recruit Bruce Wayne but that is one man who cannot be bought. "My sister left to long ago." To long.

Sara turns, food ready. She's looking at me as though she's only really seen me in this moment. "What did you want to do instead?"

Nothing. There is no real answer because I've never thought there was another option. I shrug. "I've never thought about it." I thank her, this tastes much better than the over sweetened pastry. "What about you?"

She leans on her elbows over the counter. I force my eyes to remain on her face. "I dunno either. Guess we're two peas in a pod. I really like the Martial Arts though. Maybe I'll end up being a teacher or competing in tournaments." Her eyes meet mine, expectant. I am hardly one to be able to give advice in any subject in life...but this is Sara. She's lost too.

I tell her that if it's something she finds herself passionate for then she should go after it with the same enthusiasm she approaches everything else with. She grins at that.

She all but tosses the dishes into the sink after we finish eating, she wants to go back out and walk. It's only at my insistence that she allows me to collect my clothes before she herds us out the door.

* * *

Sara shows me to docks, the sun is down but there's still a fading pink and orange to the clouds. "I really like it out here." She mumbles. The water is frozen and covered in layers of snow, but it is still beautiful. The skyline across the way holds my focus before I turn back to Sara. "Laurel has...always known what she wanted to do. She's good at it. It'll be a while before she's done with school and the internship but...she knows."

"I am the black sheep of the Lance family tree. I don't have that drive my parents or my sister do. The idea of being a doctor or nurse is cool but I just can't see the end goal for myself. Is that bad?" She turns to me, her eyes are bright but sad. I'm at a loss for what to say. She doesn't seem to mind as she looks back across the water. "I-I am...hurtling through the universe at a loss, Nyssa."

I find myself taking her hand, I've never had the impulse with others. No, that's not right. There's been no one to have the impulse with. She locks our fingers together.

Sara Lance. Brilliant and open, warm and whole is remarkably similar to myself. I think she's only just realizing it all for the first time.

"I believe that understanding this about yourself will help you to the right path." She laughs, her voice fractures. "I understand how this feels Sara. Suddenly finding a new way and not knowing what to do." Her eyes are full of hope again. I still cannot find what she's looking for.

It's nothing but silence for what feels like forever until Sara finally, thankfully, breaks it. "I don't want to go to med school." It's quiet, afraid. She's worried about what truth this knowledge will bring for her. "Then do not." She laughs again. It's lighter this time. I look at her completely now. Sara is still an enigma to me.

There are tears pooling at the corners of her eyes, her smile is small. She tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear and squeezes my hand tighter. She opens her mouth to say something but is interrupted by a shout down the pier. Sara looks over my shoulder. I turn...there's what I assume is a man trying to either rob or kill a woman. Maybe it's both. She screams. No one seems to notice.

The serenity that I find in Sara's presence quickly fades and fury boils to the surface. I release Sara's hand, she shouts after me but her words are lost on the wind.

The shock on his face is...satisfying. The woman crumples like paper to the ground and I twist his wrist until I hear a pop. He screams. It takes a simple toss over my hip and he's on his back. My fist hammers down into his face and he goes limp. I take a deep breath and turn when I hear a whimper, she woman's face is tear streaked and her eyes are terrified but...grateful.

I offer her my hand and she takes it quickly. She mumbles and sputters several 'thank you's and whispers to her own God. I tell her she should call the police and she does. _After_ she gives her attacker a hard kick in the side. When I turn to find Sara she's already there, her eyes are wide and there's a new smile on her face. She throws her arms around my neck in a tight hug when I stand before her.

"That was awesome!" She pulls back, our previous conversation seemingly forgotten. "Is that what you meant when you said it wasn't just self defense?"

I shrug. "What's the purpose of defending yourself if you cannot turn the tables on your attacker?" She laughs, pulling me into another hug. I return this one, though not as tight as she hugs me. We stay with her-just in case-until the police arrive. Sara pulls me back the way we came when we hear the sirens. The woman thanks me again before we depart. Sara continues to beam at me.

"Why are you smiling like that?"

"You're like...this badass, I knew you were before but seeing you in action is a whole other level!" She's taken my hand this time. "You're like a hero right now."

I almost give myself whiplash I turn so fast. My eyes meet hers and her smile dims at my severe expression. "I am not Sara." If she knew the truth she would run from me, call me a monster. A demon. I'd _really_ never see her again. Her own expression becomes somber. Her free hand touches my cheek and I force myself not to flinch at the affection. "Tonight you are." She says it with a certainty that even I have only had when declaring myself the Heir.

My eyes begin to sting and I force myself to look away, she lets me. I tell her we should call it a night. Her voice is sad but understanding. I walk her back home. She stops me before I turn away again. "You were really intense about helping that woman." In another scenario I may have killed him. "Why did you help her?"

"No one else did." It's an easy truth. The blank expression on her face tells me it isn't enough, even if she believes it. "No woman should ever suffer at the hands of men."

Her lips purse before she smiles again. "That's deep." My breath comes out in a single laugh. Her feet shuffle in the silence between us. "So I got some new songs, we can go to Jitters tomorrow and I can set it up for you. If you want." She tucks her arms around herself. The snowflakes in her hair gleam. "All the peppermint flavors are in right now." She stumbles over her words.

I find it adorable and I find _that_ in-and-of-itself strange because the word 'adorable' doesn't usually exist in my vocabulary. I ask her what time she wants me to be there. She sighs, in relief? "Is eight okay? No that's to early," I cut her off with a soft, "I am usually awake by five, eight is fine."

She bites her bottom lip. "It's a date." I blink in surprise, her cheeks flare with pink again and she stutters over her words. "I-I mean that in- it's not like, a date-date." She only stops when I place a hand on her arm that I hope is calming and it must be because she relaxes.

"I know what you mean." I don't. "It's fine." Despite all my training my heart still stutters. "I'll see you in the morning." She bids me a quiet, possibly embarrassed goodnight. I step back and before I'm to far I turn back.

Sara is looking skyward and her arms seem to flail for a second, the door to her house is open-was it the whole time-Laurel is peeking out, smirking. I can barely hear them. "It's a date huh?" The younger sister turns to glare at her. "Shut. Up." She storms up the steps and I can still hear Laurel's laughter after the door slams shut. These sisters are infinitely confusing. Infinitely close. I push down the envy.

I don't spend any time that night on my mission, and I cannot find the energy to worry over the fact that it does not bother me that I don't. Instead I take off my boots and make myself comfortable on the bed as I open the book lent to me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shocker, Sara's a little lost too. Before the show it's kind of clear she was but had nobody to really share that with. She has Laurel but being more driven she can't really understand it in a way somebody else that's lost can.
> 
> There should be like a half and half chapter next time. I'm going to look into some stuff and plan something out, hopefully it works. If you happen to be good at fight scenes in a story, hit me up! I need some advice on how best to handle them.


	6. Connecting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's short but I hope it's okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still don't own Arrow.  
> This was a little rushed, just something to really finally push this where it's going. I apologize for any redundancy.

Before the sun is up, before most people are out of bed to prepare for the early shift, I'm already dressed and sitting across for Merlyn's company. There are a few bugs inside I placed when I first arrived. I listen and find myself uncaring. I do not care about Merlyn or what he's planning for Starling City, I do not care about this mission. I don't...and it makes me uncomfortable that I feel such a way.

Instead I find myself eager to spend more time with Sara. To know her, her sister, maybe even her parents. I still find it confusing but I push that aside because it doesn't matter. I want to learn about this life, another reality.

I sigh and tuck away the equipment, the sun is peaking over the world now. The sky turns a brilliant orange. I bury my hands into my pockets against the cold and slip off the roof unnoticed. Or maybe I am, maybe Merlyn's known the whole time...I still can't find it in me to care.

I'll know soon enough either way.

* * *

I wait at the café for twenty minutes before Sara arrives. It's not even thirty minutes to eight yet.

Her grin makes my stomach flip. She shrugs off her jacket and scarf. "Good morning." I never took her as a morning person, maybe classes are the only reason. No, not today. Today she's here early because she wanted to spend time with me. It baffles me someone could find me worthy enough for it. I want to thank her, instead I smile and offer a soft greeting.

"I'll grab us some coffee." She tosses her hair over her shoulder. Are all women as casual as Sara Lance? No. She's her own brand.

I wait patiently. This morning already feels like it was days ago. Sitting there on that rooftop and wondering what we'd talk about now instead of focusing. I hardly notice her return-lost to the world-until she sets my cup in front of me. "Penny for your thoughts?"

I take a moment to collect myself. "I think I'm just realizing everything that's been," I search for the word. "Absent, from my life until now."

"Like music?" She jokes, or maybe teases. Are they the same thing? I smile regardless and nod. "Well you are about to get some more." She stands and moves around to my right, just like before. She sets up a laptop and asks for the iPod, connecting it and handing me an earbud. "Ready for some sweet grooves?" She smirks at my blank stare and nudges my shoulder with her own. "I still have so much to teach you."

_I got my eyes on you_  
_You're everything that I see_  
_I want your hot love and emotion, endlessly_

_I can't get over you  
You left your mark on me_

_I want your high love and emotion, endlessly_

This song reminds me of Sara. In a sense that I know no matter how far I go I'll never forget these days, weeks, together. I feel the chasm deepen at the idea of never seeing Sara again. It hurts. Quite a bit.

 

_Sometimes you gotta bleed to know_  
_That you’re alive and have a soul_  
_But it takes someone to come around_  
_To show you how_

_She’s the tear in my heart_  
_I’m alive. She’s the tear in my heart_  
_I’m on fire. She’s the tear in my heart_  
_Take me higher_  
_Than I’ve ever been_

I actually find myself becoming angry. Furious. At my father, this life. Maybe I'll always be angry. In the anger there's a deafening sadness. Being here again reminds me that despite Sara's gift...my father has kept this from me. Kept people like _Sara_ from me. I used to believe I was free, even more than others because what else is freedom but what the League does? The highest law against the evil people do.

It came into focus slowly over the years, I was even more caged than the other members of the League. They could be absolved. Released. Even if there was another Heir I'd never be allowed to abandon them. It. Him. I barely notice the music stop.

"Hey." Her fingers are brushing my cheek, they feel damp. I finally notice the tacky feeling of tears falling and drying against my skin. The last time I cried was when Talia left, and that was alone and well into the night. "What's wrong? Is this-did I play the wrong thing?" Of course she's worried she's done something wrong.

I meet her eyes, they're worried and scared, a little curious. She closes the laptop and puts the headphones on the table. She takes my hand and I don't intend to but I squeeze. She laces our fingers together and squeezes back, giving me all of her attention. I feel my face burn in humiliation at losing control like this in such a public place but it's still early and there are only three other people here and none of them are looking at us.

"I apologize," she cuts me off.

"Don't be sorry for feeling bad, or anything for that matter. Just," she pulls my hand a little. Emphasis. "Talk to me?"

I don't know where to begin. I don't know what's happening. I have never allowed myself to foster feelings like this, or of any kind. I'm not meant to feel.  I'm struggling. I'm lost. Looking at this person-this Sara Lance-I feel the urge to humble myself before her. To offer prayers and gratitude for the things she's shown me in the small time I've known her.

"I do not want to work for my father anymore."

It is a bare truth and tears open something old in me. A truth. Raw and fresh. I've never wanted this life. I don't care about the mission, any of them. I wanted my father's approval and so I forced myself to be who he wanted me to be and I let his truth cover my own. I do not want to be Nyssa Al Ghul, or the Heir or even my father's daughter. I don't want a piece of it.

I want my _freedom_.

Sara smiles at me. "Then don't." As if it is so simple. Perhaps it is. It could be as simple as choosing to stay here. "I don't want to be a med student."

I return her smile. "Then don't."

She laughs. I realize her hand is still pressed against my cheek, still wet with tears. I take it and hold it in my lap where our hands are still clasped tight. "I'm gonna talk to my parents but...I'm planning to look into  more fighting classes and maybe some tournaments later on. I'll find a job to pay the difference." Her eyes turn to our hands. "Life is to short not to do what makes you happy right?"

I nod. Far to short. "I think I may remain in Starling City." She gives me that hopeful look again. I think I may be starting to understand it. "Yeah?" It's soft, unsure. I nod and she beams, I forget my sadness as she all but throws herself onto me, arms curling around my shoulders in a tight hug. "Sara?"

"I was really worried that when the month was up...I'd never see you again for real that time." Her voice is muffled against my shoulder. I allowed myself to wrap her in my own embrace, arms tight across her waist. A freedom. A luxury. She leans away from me after a moment. Her hands laying on my shoulders. "I'm really glad. Happy." She has a nervous laugh.

I blink and suddenly her lips are against mine and it feels like the universe is exploding in my head. It's simple. Sweet even. A moment, stretched into infinity. Nothing has ever felt this spectacular. She pulls away after forever and bites her bottom lip, a nervous tick.

"Sorry I-just really wanted to do that since...well since you left the first time." She begins to ramble. She's amazing. I smile and she blushes even more. "I shouldn't have just, ambushed you like that I'm sorry I just,"

"Sara." She stops. "If I was at any moment uncomfortable do you really think I wouldn't have stopped you?" A small breath of laughter. Understanding.

She pauses, fingers pulling at the fabric of my sweater. "Please," her eyebrows crease and she frowns. Her eyes finally, finally, meet mine again. "Tell me you feel it." Another pause. "A connection." Is this the hope she's been watching me with? A return of affection? I'm not lost to the art of the human body, but what she means is something entirely different.

I nod, still silent. It clicked the first few days we spent together. Something real and far to human for the Heir to ever admit. But I'd meant what I said before, I have no intention of leaving this city. Of returning to Nanda Parbat. My father is sure to force my return but I cannot find the energy to care, not when Sara is looking at me like she's finally found something.

"There's always been a connection Sara." She beams. "But I am still unaccustomed to affection, and I want to learn so..." I'm unsure how to say what I want to. She shakes her head.

"We can take everything slow. I want to. I didn't mean to just...spring on you." She laughs at herself. "I just really like you. I don't care how little time it's been, I'm fine with just holding your hand. For now." She kisses me on the cheek and sits back down. "There's time." She takes my hand again.

I swallow the nerves building from realizing that one day I will have to tell her the truth. "There is, and there are also things I need to tell you. Not yet, but in time." I truly hope there is enough to be completely honest with her and that she doesn't turn me away in disgust. She nods, smile still bright.

We ignore the music she's gotten for me, the other people that slowly come in. In this moment it's just Sara and I. I find myself happy with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An open admission to feelings, still not really dating but...together. I guess. 
> 
> Hold on, We're Going Home-Drake  
> Tear in My Heart-Twenty One Pilots


	7. Author's note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry!

I am still working on this, I _promise_! This latest chapter isn't even long yet and it's tripping me up.   
So I've been doing some work on it then leaving it for a bit. I really am sorry. I am still invested in this story.   
I'm trying to work in a way for Sara to see Nyssa as the Heir and it's just causing me all kinds of issues.  
I've just kind of accepted that this next chapter just won't be what I want it to be but I'm doing my best with it.  
Again I'm really sorry.

Also Hardcore Henry is on Netflix and I've watched it like...7 times in 3 days, I'm not even sorry. It did give me some ideas for fights later.


	8. Down by the Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I just want to be here with you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Arrow or any of this music.  
> I am sooooo so sorry this took so long to get up here. It's still not where I want it to be but I've accepted that, we're moving on!
> 
> I apologize for any redundancy and that this chapter just won't be what I wanted.

Sara seeing me like this was never in any possible plan I had developed. She had seen me with the attacker on the pier but that was an instant. I had never meant for her to see anything close to who I was as the Heir, whoever that has ever been. I hadn't lost control like I had with Wasim, that had been something...alien. No no, back, before she saw the Heir.

It was days after meeting in the café.

We'd met with Laurel for lunch the day after, she had given me a look that made me nervous. She sat across from Sara and I in a small local restaurant. She almost smirked at me, her eyes a little devious. Sara had told her about the kiss. She must have. If she did know she never brought it up directly.

"Sara says you're planning on staying in town." She glances up from her menu. "Any plans?"

I didn't truthfully. I still had enough money to live well enough but I was never one to sit idly by. "Not quite yet. There are a few ideas but nothing permanent." I have considered starting a gym, Sara would be excited if I chose that. There was also the options of translator, personal trainer, starting my own company. At this current moment in time I just want to be separate from the League. My father.

"It is just time for a change." I offer with a small smile. Laurel's smirk fades to a kind smile. It's back a moment later as she glances at her younger sister.

"I'm sure someone is excited about that." She looks back at her menu. Sara hisses at her to be quiet. Laurel shrugs innocently in response. "So is this you telling me you're finally done with med school." I look to the younger Lance who is surprised. "Oh come on, you're my sister. You think I don't know you well enough to know you didn't want to do that?"

There's a long silence. "I just thought telling you would be easier."

Laurel lays her menu down and leans forward, eyes intent. Caring. "Sara...if med school is not what you want to do it's a lot better to stop now than to keep going and having a job you hate. Do not do something because mom and dad expect you to." She glances upwards for a moment before looking back at Sara. "Like don't be a stripper but...I don't know, do something you actually want to do."

What is a stripper? Is that a profession?

"You don't think they'll hate me?" Sara's voice is quiet, gone is the woman with confidence. This is the girl who considers herself the bad seed of her family.  Laurel reaches out and takes her hand, Sara squeezes it tight. "They'll take some time to get used to it but they could never hate you." Sara smiles.

Laurel grins. "I do think it's interesting you brought Nyssa here to have this conversation though." Sara sputters for an answer. "Relax. I think it's nice. She may be your first real... _anything_ in forever." I find most of this conversation interesting. My conversations with Talia never went as well as theirs have. For the first time the idea does not make me feel jealous.

I watch Sara's cheeks turn pink and she reaches to hold my hand under the table. This feels good.

"I can see that you know." Laurel teases. Sara does not let go of my hand but she does glare at her sister, I'm not sure if she means it. "Shut. Up."

I vaguely listen to the television over the bar about the crime rate spiking in The Glades.

* * *

That night I go out as the Heir, or maybe someone else now. I don't do it for my father or the League or even my pride. I go because there are evil people in this city and regardless of if I choose to kill them or not...I truly believe the city will be better for _any_ amount of intervention. I make the choice to change my usual League jacket and boots to a simple leather one and combat boots. More versatile, less noticeable. I keep the red. It's a favorite.

I choose to go without my bow and arrows, maybe another time. Another way.

This has always made me feel like a predator. Powerful. Separate. Meaningful.

Before I can even access a rooftop a man tries to attack me with a knife, I break his wrist and keep the blade. Perhaps my pride demands I keep a trophy. He clutches his arm close to his body as I step over him. I do not know where I'm supposed to be going or if I have to at all. Sara was right, crime in Starling is not exclusive to The Glades. I think of her being in danger because of the crime rate and it makes me furious.

How do the police tolerate this...depravity. How can Sara's father handle knowing there's still so much more to do? How do I?

I manage to access a fire escape and scale it to the rooftop. People who believe they are powerful do not feel the need to look up. It'll be their mistake.

There's a scream, it's late now. The people left on the street do not seem to care. How can they live with themselves? How could I if I did nothing like them. It's in an alley, no one cares, the attacker-a man-rips her purse away from her and tears open her blouse. My vision goes dark around the edges, I could easily lose control here. I could easily slip into being the daughter of a demon. I want to.

_Sara_.

I can dispatch him and not kill him. I'm tired of being the monster, I want to be the hero Sara seems to see in me.

The desire to be the 'hero' doesn't stop me from using the knife I'd acquired earlier. The woman gapes at me as I slide the blade into his arm, just below the shoulder. If I had felt to monstrous I'd have gone for the knee, maybe even pulled the kneecap off. He screams now. I bring him into a tight hold with my arm wrapped around the front of his throat, forcing him to bend backwards.

"Go." I tell the woman, her face is stained with tears and streaks of makeup. She looks at me with awe and terror, then relief. I imagine it must be a sight, seeing a woman almost a foot shorter than her attacker incapacitate him in seconds. It must be gratifying. She whispers a low 'thank you' and takes off, clutching her shirt closed. I hope she takes this lesson and chooses to walk with a friend.

The man chokes, feet grappling to push himself free of my hold. I glance at him over my shoulder. His face his red, eyes wide in panic. "I should kill you." He stills for a moment before struggling harder but he has no possible momentum in this position. He begs for his life, I contemplate if it is worth it to let him walk away with nothing but a scar and wounded pride.

I decide that it isn't but I also choose not to kill him. I will not be the demon anymore. I pull the knife from his arm and he chokes out a scream. Lowlifes like him are unlikely to be smart enough not to carry their wallets, I was right. I memorize his name, face, and address. "I'll know if you ever do something like this again. Make better choices or the next time I may decide to be less merciful."

My elbow meets his sternum and I allow him to collapse. It feels...liberating.

I stop a teenager from shooting a couple, and a young woman from robbing a store. This feels good. Not killing people. There's still the force of habit-the liking it. Knowing I was ending the life of a murderer or rapist forever felt good to. Knowing they could hurt no one else felt like justice.

I choose to use a different way now. Resistance at doing what is needed will be why any city burns and I refuse to allow Sara's home to be consumed.

* * *

 

Sitting on the steps to Sara's home the next morning, I contemplate the ideas that my father had forced on me. While removing someone from this life...another would always return to it and it would always be a cycle. Killing feels natural to me, violence is always far to easy for me. That was always my indication that it was never right but I wanted to please him. I don't anymore.

If I do the things I did last night to help this city then it will be for myself, my soul...and for Sara and her family. They deserve better. The people prayed upon by others always do.  In that conclusion lies the truth that I will have to leave the safehouse and inevitably change my name, Raatko will always be mine but for practicality it simply isn't safe.

I also require another profession, but that's something for a different time.

I enjoy my music as I wait patiently for Sara to wake. She'd wanted me to stop by, she'd wanted to spend the day inside. Sara's home is welcoming, I'm not sure if her parents will be as.

_Because they took our love and they filled it up,  
_ _Filled it up with Novocaine and now I'm just numb  
_ _And now I'm just numb_

If I had been anyone else the hand that touches my shoulder would have startled me. I pull out an earbud and see Sara smiling two steps up. Her hair is messy and her eyes are still clouded with sleep. She must've only just woken up. "You could've just knocked you know." She chuckles and stands, still in her stripped sleeping pants and loose shirt that reads _'Birds of Prey'_.

I stand and follow her inside. "I didn't want to wake you, it was nice out." She laughs again. I take the time to remove my shoes. She offers me tea, no sugar. I thank her. "You look nice." She looks better than that but those are braver words than I feel. She gives me a look that tells me she thinks I'm being dishonest and scoffs. "I just woke up like five minutes ago, I look like death."

"I think you look nice. Comfortable."

"I am extremely comfortable." She makes herself coffee. "Dad left early, mom is getting ready to leave," that makes me nervous. "Laurel is going out with friends for the day. Shopping or some other group activity." She tells me she found some tea from the East, she's excited to try it but she needs her regular caffeine fix first. I smile at that. I want to tell her who I am, but that will have to come later. After more time.

Sara's mother is kind. She smiles at me as she prepares her own cup of coffee for the morning. She makes small talk, our plans, her classes for the day. She turns to me before she leaves and I can see something in her that both her daughters have clearly inherited. "It's nice to meet the person Sara can't stop talking about." She smirks at Sara's groan.

"We'll have to have you over for dinner sometime, Nyssa, isn't it?"

"Yes, I would like that very much, thank you." She looks impressed. I wonder again the kind of people Sara usually spends time with. She wishes us a good day and leaves for her own.

Sara asks if I'm hungry, I tell her I've already eaten. She makes herself waffles. Laurel flounces down into the kitchen. She looks nice. She smirks at Sara. "Hi Nyssa." Her tone is teasing. Sara mumbles something around her food and I can't begin to decipher it, but Laurel does because she laughs. "I'm going out for the day, you'll have the place to yourselves, you didn't plan that right?" Sara flushes a deep pink when I turn to her and she shakes her head.

"Don't be weird Laurel, we're just gonna watch some movies. Nyssa hasn't seen any before." She shrugs casually at her sister, face still pink. Laurel makes a sound like she doesn't believe her then eyes me curiously.

"You've never seen a movie ever?"

"I have not." I don't tell her I've only recently discovered music. She seems curious but lets it go. She leaves soon after and wishes me good luck, Sara shouts at her to 'shut up'. It makes me happy that she can be like this with someone, share a real bond with family.

* * *

She finishes eating, cleans her dishes, and leads me to the living room. She's setting up the...DVD player she called it-I have never heard of such a thing, when she passes a news station. I see a glimpse of myself from last night. Someone must have filmed me. Damn video phones.

The reporter sounds as though she's unsure if it's a good or bad thing that there's a vigilante on the 'loose'. "That's kind of awesome." I turn to Sara, she's watching the video loop of me disarming the youth trying to rob a couple. "The cops can't be there all the time, maybe it's not such a bad idea." She looks far to thoughtful for my liking, I worry she'll try and do the same thing I've chosen to do.

"It doesn't seem reckless to you?"

"I mean, yeah in a way. But maybe this will keep people from...being dicks to each other." She laughs at her own phrasing. We both drop the conversation after that.

She plays a movie called Hardcore Henry. I see myself as this man-cyborg. I can't see myself as anything else. The man...Akan? He reminds me of my father, or perhaps his own old friend Damien. I could see myself losing control if Sara was taken. The idea makes me anxious. I've never been close enough to anyone to feel this way. I truly believe I would not care if it was my father or sister.

I feel Sara tuck herself into my side and it makes my heart clench and something in my stomach flip.

"How many times have you seen this film?" I ask quietly in a rare moment of quiet between scenes.

"Mm...four, maybe five." I chuckle. "I really like it, it's different." I find myself even more intrigued as the story continues. There are some holes in the plot, some clearly impossible feats but overall I find I enjoy it.

We watch it two more times. I enjoy it just as much the third time as the first. She insists we watch a handful of martial arts movies, I don't like those as much but I do enjoy the time I get to spend with Sara. It's a whole day inside and with a good friend. I glance at her, her eyes are stuck to the screen but she rests her head against my shoulder and my heart flutters again

* * *

_If you fall asleep down by the water  
_ __baby I'll carry you all the way home_ _

_If you fall asleep down by the water,_   
_baby I'll carry you all the way home_

_Everybody's gotta love someone,  
_ _but I just wanna love you Dear  
_ _Everybody's gotta feel something,  
_ _I just wanna be with you my Dear_  

_I know it's hard  
_ _I know it's hard  
_ _I know it's hard to be in this position_

_If they stop loving you-_

Someone plucks the headphones from my ears and I turn quickly, ready to be offended-or maybe even violent-but I stop short. Sara grins at me. Meeting at Jitters has somehow become a morning routine. Her hair is tied into a messy bun today and her clothes are well worn and look comfortable. She settles herself beside me before listening herself. She smirks.

"The Drums huh?"

"It had good music." The film.

She sets the headphones down, tugging off her jacket. "I kinda love My Woman." I cannot tell if this is an innuendo but I make the silent choice to listen to it later. Yesterday had wrapped up a little before her father arrived home. She offered to walk me 'home'. 'Home' is a building that for all intents and purposes is a warehouse with an old office that's been turned into a bedroom, I declined her offer.

A new residence is required immediately. Until then I have to continue to deflect Sara's attempts to come over. I have roughly two weeks until father realizes I've gone. He may have already. He's always known what I would do before it was done. I suppose I'm just that predictable.

"I'm thinking I'm going to tell my parents about the whole school thing tomorrow night." She's not looking at me. Her fingers fidget with a napkin, flipping the edges as she pinches it between her thumb and middle finger. She is terrified to do this.

"I was wondering if you would," she worries her bottom lip between her teeth for a moment. For all my lack of social skills I know what she's asking. I press my hand over hers to stop her nervous motion. Her arm relaxes in relief. Finally. Finally her eyes meet mine. "What time?" I ask quietly because it feels as if we'll break whatever bubble this moment exists in.

"A little after four." I ask her why so early. Her shoulders tip upwards. "Just in case things don't go super great and they need some space. We can escape and give them time to...digest." That's a smart choice. I ask her where we'll escape to. "The waterfront maybe, or back here," she shakes her head. "No Laurel would find us here." Her smile is halfhearted. "I just really need someone who gets it there."

I understand more than anyone else she may ever know.

The expression on her face tells me she's still worried. That she will be until everything it out in the open. I do the only thing I know to do for her, deflect. It is still foreign to me. I have always done my best to take life as it comes at me, straightforward. It is how I was raised to be. In my life this may be the only time I've truly done it. Running from my birthright. 

Sitting here with Sara, the only two people in the universe, I decide that Talia can have it. Being the Heir. It'll never mean anything, not really. Not until father finds a male to carry on his name-because women are weak.

"I decided to try an attempt at another job but I'm not sure which one would be better." Deflect. Sara looks at me, excited. Maybe because she realizes I really meant I was staying.

"What are the options?" Her free hand tucks itself under her chin as she leans onto the table, finally relaxing.

"Studying antiques. It has always been a hobby I suppose." That was a truth. Learning how and where something that caught my eye on a mission was made was always something to look forward to. I had a small collection of Russian knives and daggers in Nada Parbat. It strikes me that I'll have to start my collections over. Something about that appeals to me.

Sara smiles, she asks me if I have anything I can show her. I tell her I have a few things I have with me I can show her soon. Her hand opens under my own and her fingers interlock with mine. She asks me about the other options.

"Opening a school, a dojo." Her eyes light up and she beams. I want her unbiased opinion but Sara has really seemed to find her calling in all of this. She's good at it. I can only imagine she'll get better at it the more time goes by. "It may be obvious," when I say it I think about how easily it may be for the League to find me, not my penchant for teaching and occasional violence-which is how she thinks I mean it. "But I do enjoy teaching."

She tells me she believes I could do both well but ultimately I should choose whichever I know I won't have regrets with. "Either way you seem to be a people person." Smiling and being polite to strangers is just being human. I think maybe I may just be a Sara person. I don't tell her that part. She grins behind the cup of coffee she'd brought with her.

She squeezes my hand a little tighter.

* * *

Not to formal. That's what she said about this dinner. I've never under-dressed for any occasion. Sara's made the joke of me being a model instead of anything else came up even before I chose to leave the League. That lifestyle just seems unappealing.

Social structures such as these are lost on me. How am I to remain formal but still casual enough to meet Sara's parents? I'm entirely unprepared. Dresses are to formal. So is a complete suit which was my next choice. I take a breath and remember this is about Sara being honest with her parents about her own life, not about me wanting to seem impressive.

[I](https://www.fashmates.com/set/5b954db9680c1b6ba8edeb94-1536516445528) decide on something simple but nice.

Laurel greets me at the door, she smiles but it's quickly replaced by a smirk as she lets me inside. "Nyssa is here." She calls over her shoulder, she takes my jacket. I hear someone in the kitchen, either their mother or father or perhaps even Sara. That thought quickly passes when I hear a shout from upstairs and rushed footsteps. "This night is going to be the best of my whole week. I don't care what else happens." She chuckles.

I feel the need to give something of myself. To show that I'm not just anyone. That this means something to me. "I wish my sister was like you."

She looks surprised and curious, but she never gets to say anything because [Sara ](https://www.fashmates.com/set/5b954db9680c1b6ba8edeb94-1536513565587)is at the top of the stairs now and I have no attention for anything else. Her hair is wild and her smile infectious. She all but bounds down the stairs, her feet heavy in her excitement. I wish for a moment that I could be free in the same way but my nature will never allow it. I'm simply glad the universe has one Sara Lance in it.

And that I got to be the one to meet her.

"Hi." Sara breaths out, her smile doesn't fade in the slightest. I smile back. More tame.

"Hello."

"You came."

"You invited me." I worry for a moment before she closes her eyes and nods before opening them again. "I did." She laughs. Laurel watches us with open amusement.

"This night is going to be amazing." Sara rolls her eyes and shoots a short glare at her sister. "Shut.up." She waves Laurel away but she continues to laugh and only take a step back. Their mother rounds the corner from the kitchen and smiles at me. If the Lance women are all this welcoming I can't help but feel that Sara's father will be less so. Opposites attract as they say.

I'm infinitely glad I chose the outfit that I did. Dinah wears a nice dress and Laurel has a plain blouse and jeans. Sara may be the only truly casual one here.

"We're glad you could make it." Dinah offers me her hand, her grip firm. "Sara offered to cook but I think we'd all prefer not to call the Fire Department." Good natured jokes...I feel a small pain as I recall my mother again. I twist the bracelet I decided to wear today, it is old and I do not wear it terribly often these days. One of a few small tokens father allowed me to keep.

Sara's expression changes into mock betrayal. "One time." Her mother and sister deny that immediately.

"You burned those waffles."

"And that pan of pasta, Sweetie."

They laugh. The feeling of warmth in this home is staggering. I hope it all still goes well after everything. Dinah seems to be a loving mother. I wonder again if I'd be more like other people if my own had lived, but asking questions you'll never have an answer to is tiring and opens a different kind of chasm. Tonight is about Sara. Dinah waves us into the dining room.

I sit beside Sara, oddly grateful that the table is round. I offer my help for anything and Dinah insists that I'm a guest and has Laurel go with her to help her husband. Sara tells me she's glad I'm here. Her hand grips my knee.

"I don't think I could've done this by myself."

"I think you give yourself far to little credit Sara."

Any other conversation we could have drops when the rest of her family bring in the food and the remaining table settings. I realize Sara's hand on my knee is meant to keep me from getting up. My legs flinch and her hand squeezes, adding pressure so I remain still. She only releases it after the food has been set. Instinct tells me to stand to greet Sara's father.

Quentin, he looks stern and untrusting when he turns to look at me-really look at me. A muscle in his jaw twitches. "Nyssa, am I saying that right?" I nod.

"Yes. It is nice to finally meet you Mr. Lance." Surprise crosses his face for a second before it's blank again. "Sara talks about you quite a bit." She does, she's told me stories of her favorite family outings, Rockets games, birthdays, and simply days. I offer him my hand, he takes it after a moment and squeezes-maybe a little harder than he means to but either case I tighten my grip and there's a glimmer of respect in his eyes.

Dinah asks if I'd like wine, I tell her water is fine. Laurel smirks and calls me a 'straightedge', I'm unfamiliar with the term. Sara glares at her.

Dinner is good, it's not a dish I know but I enjoy it. Sara's father needles me sporadically with questions. His first is where I'm from and Sara answers before I can even begin to process he's asked me anything at all. "Tibet." She grins. Her parents look at me with a mixture of shock and awe, Dinah asks what that's like. "Quiet mostly." She smiles.

Besides the questions that continue to come from her father this is still nice. Normal. I could even get used to it. Laurel and Sara occasionally bicker, Dinah asks about my studies and places I've traveled to. Quentin continues to needlework questions. What I do for a living, how I met Sara, what brought me to the states. He notices my direct but evasive answers. He doesn't truly need to know I decided to stay in Starling in part because of his daughter.  

"Can you stop interrogating her please? The first friend I bring over who everyone seems to agree is actually good for me...and all you do is ask questions like that?" Sara looks upset, she's set down her cutlery.

He seems just as upset. "I'm just trying to get to know her better."

It feels uncomfortable for people to talk about me as if I'm not present. I decide I dislike the feeling.

"No, mom's questions are the ones you ask to get to know someone. You're asking all of the hard questions all at once. What, you think because you spread them out by a few minutes it doesn't count? I asked her here because I needed her. If I honestly thought you'd be like this I wouldn't have."

Dinah and Laurel appear to be just as uncomfortable as I feel. I want to ask if I've offended him but I believe that would just make it worse.

"Needed her here for what? What-what's going on?"

"Dad we're just trying to have a nice dinner. I think you're embarrassing Sara in front of her friend." Laurel tries but Sara shakes her head. She tells her sister not to bother. I suddenly feel like I'm intruding and I want to be anywhere else. Maybe even anyone else. I'm ill-prepared for this.

"I needed her here because I didn't want it to be just me when I told you I quit med school." Training to be an international assassin does _nothing_ to prepare one for this kind of confrontation. I remain still and strangely enough I find myself hoping I've become invisible in the last two seconds. He looks at me, back to Sara, at me, Sara. His face sets hard.

"Is this because of her?"

"Quentin," Dinah starts but he won't hear it. He can't.

He leans closer. "You quit, as in it's already done?"

Sara nods. Her confidence all but gone. "Were you gonna tell us if she wasn't here?" There's a pause, it lasts to long but her voice is soft. "Eventually." His face begins to turn pink. "So you meet this girl," he motions towards me. I don't correct him. "She travels and knows different languages and has a nice job," it was a horrible job. "And suddenly you don't want to go to med school? Sara you've wanted to be a doctor since you were little."

"It doesn't have anything to do with Nyssa, dad. I wanted to. Wanted. Things change. I've been taking these classes and I really want to get involved in tournaments or help teach someday." She's getting excited about it again but her father does not understand.

"I know you were interested in that Vigilante that's been going around the Glades Sara but this is-this is something else." He sits back in his chair. "To throw all that planning away for some martial arts classes? No." He shakes his head in denial. Mr. Lance strikes me as a man who cannot handle to much change at once. "That's-that's nonsense I'm sorry."

Laurel tries again. "Dad this is something she wants to do. I haven't seen her get this into anything in...a long time. I think it's good for her. We don't all have to be lawyers, and teachers, and cops." They glare at each other. "I think Sara's brave and I don't think attacking her like this will inspire her to tell you things in the future."

Dinah agrees with her daughter and Quentin looks well and truly betrayed. She apologizes to me. I tell her that it is fine, because it is the truth. He isn't angry with Sara. He isn't even angry with me. I tell her I think it's best I leave, in his anger he quickly agrees and says they need to talk as a family. I don't disagree. I am surprised when Sara stands and tells him she's going with me.

"No no we are going to _talk_ about this."

"Not tonight we're not." She pulls on my arm. I'm helpless but to follow her lead.

I had truly hoped my fist dinner with...anyone honestly, could have gone better. I hear him swearing as she slams the door behind us.

* * *

She leads us to the waterfront. She does not say much. Finally. Finally she talks to me.

"I am...completely sorry about that,"

"You have nothing to apologize for Sara." I take her hand. It becomes easier each time. It's nice. I enjoy holding Sara's hand. "You were being honest with your family."

Still she frowns. The sun is getting low now. She pulls me to a stop. "I'm still sorry. If I had known he would be like that to you I wouldn't have," I stop her again. "If people could predict other people there would be very little confrontation in the world, don't you think?" I smile and finally she smiles back. The world needs Sara's smile. Seeing it now I'm unsure still how I lived without it.

"Moments like this make me super happy that you're you. I don't think you know how to lose control." She's joking but there's part of her that believes that. It is harder than me than others to lose control but it is not impossible. I tell her. She still shakes her head. "Not like those creeps in the Glades. Not with me."

I do not believe that about myself. I almost lost control with that man the other night. I do agree that I could never lose control with Sara, in any respect.

"My lucky night." We both turn. Father had allowed other evils to fall through but what solution is there to men like this. People like this. He smirks. His fingers clutch around a small knife. "And here I thought coming down this way would be a waste." He steps closer, his smirk falters when neither of us move away. He expected helpless victims. I am no ones victim. Not even my father's.

Sara chuckles. "Dude you should seriously get lost."

"She's right. I suggest you reconsider your choices and return home." I pull on her arm, gently, to move her behind me. Safe from him at least.

He scoffs but his expression turn uncertain before setting and making a choice. The wrong one, but still a choice. People who use only momentum are used to getting their way. His weight carries him, blade held far to tight. Getting around the knife is easy. With a tight grip on his arm I sweep his legs and he appears more surprised than Sara when he lands on his back and stares owlishly at the sky.

He recovers and scrambles to his feet.

It's a quick jab to his stomach and another to his throat and he's on his knees gasping and trying not to vomit. The rage that bubbles at the idea that people like this could have hurt Sara, or her sister, or anyone else who could have come here instead of me...it makes me hit him again. I strike his temple with a well placed knee and he topples, unconscious. I only hope he doesn't freeze to death as I offer my hand to Sara and we leave him behind.

It was the second time, far to close. Far to angry. She saw a glimpse of who the Heir could be and I find it frightening. She is not perturbed in the slightest. She thinks I should open the school. She does not know that to do so would be telling my father my choice but walking with Sara now, snow in her hair and happiness on her face I cannot bring myself to care.

We spend what remains of the night at Jitters. She doesn't wish to return home and the safehouse is quite unwelcoming. We take a seat at one of the small couches, she takes out her phone and we listen to music and talk about whether or not we made the right choices. I decide to tell her a truth. A complete one that makes my heart clench in fear. Maybe it's to soon but I do not find that I care.

"I just want to be here with you." 

Her smile lights up the world. Her lips meet mine and nothing else exists. She pulls away. Far to short.

"I just want to be here with you too." She presses play.

_You've gotta believe me_  
_when I say,  
_ _when I say the word  
_ _Forever_

_And whatever comes your way  
_ _Oh we'll still be here together_

_I know it's hard_  
_I know it's ha-ard  
_ _But I understand you,  
_ _Just take my hand_

_If you fall asleep down by the water,_  
_baby I'll carry you all the way home  
_ _If you fall asleep down by the water,  
_ _baby I'll carry you all the way home_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want it to be a huge reveal, not yet. I just wanted to give you and Sara a glimpse who Nyssa can be in those moments.
> 
> I'm still unsure if I'll have her open the school, or a school yet. If anyone has any ideas about it please let me know. Sorry it's long this chapter was initially really short and then it just...got away from me. Re-watching Person of Interest. Again.
> 
> Novocain-Fall Out Boy  
> Down by the Water-The Drums


	9. Birds of Prey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She seems to be looking to do something with her life. Just like Sara. Just like me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooo....I'm not dead. 
> 
> There has been a lot going on at work and it just had me to depressed to bothering writing for a long time. I know this chapter isn't very good but I'm going to really try to get back into the swing of updates at least once a week.
> 
> Sorry for any OOC moments and any redundancy.

It has been a week since I last saw Sara. It has also been a week since my deadline, I missed every check in. If this is going to work I need a real identity and real intelligence. I told Sara I had to visit an old friend nearby. She was disappointed I refused to allow her along but she's far to bright for a city such as Gotham. The only things keeping the city from falling into a sea of chaos is their Police Commissioner James Gordon and the ever growing corral of vigilantes.

Wayne has started a trend it seems.

Once I return to Starling I have a meeting lined up to forge a new identity. I've chosen to keep my name, it is my mothers and mine by right. No amount of hiding will keep my father from finding me if he so chooses. He is not one for posturing. He will at some point attempt to force my return. 

Which leads back to my venture to this city.

I know Talia likes to stay close but I have no risk of her telling father because they do not speak. Or perhaps my leaving the League is just the excuse she needs to take my place. Truthfully she'll be to wrapped up in Wayne-and he'll be to wrapped up in Ms. Kyle-to pay any mind to me. Which is all the better. I pull my jacket tighter around me. If I had been anyone else I could have stayed in Starling with Sara. My birthright has never been such a burden.

The only hope I have is that my source is more forthcoming with me than others.

Meeting him on his own ground may be dangerous but I need this, possibly more than anything in this moment.

"Bruja…" I resist the urge to roll my eyes.

"I think you must have me confused with my sister."

He laughs, it comes out with a wheeze behind his mask. "I may. Why are you in Gotham? We already have a Ghul nosing around." I tilt my head to meet his gaze. The venom in his system tinges his veins. He crosses his arms, mirroring my own stance. His leather jacket must be reinforced, any other fabric would have torn by now. The mask has changed over the years, to others it must make him intimidating.

"I came for information. You were in the League once, my father even attempted to have you marry my sister." He grunts in distaste. "I need to know if you have heard anything. Anything at all will help me."

"Why?" 

I take a breath. "I have chosen to leave the League." Surprise flashes in his eyes before his mask falls back into place. "I do not have the option of being dismissed as you were. If there is anything being planned I would be in your debt." I offer a hand. "Quid pro quo, I can offer you the same deal." He already knows who Wayne is, he's to intelligent not to have it figured out, but there must be something I can offer.

Bane eyes my hand. "I do not need your debt." His shoulders roll back. "There has been nothing to hear. No plans. Your sister spends time elsewhere, the less I see of her the better."

I want to ask him if he'll share anything he may hear with me. Bane has always been more practical than others occupying Gotham's Underground. A step ahead. He has contacts all over the world. Which is perhaps something I should invest in. If I thought I could I'd offer to buy any intel he may come by, he could take the offer but he may also turn it aside. I'm at a loss for what to do now.

"You want to ask...so ask."

"Would you?"

Bane shrugs. "You father is...well, you know exactly what he is. I lost a challenge and he banished me." He looks off for a moment before meeting my eyes again. "Better for me, I don't think I could stand her." He mumbles, 'Bruja' under his breath and I smirk. "If I come across information it's yours."

"At what cost?"

"Information. In time."

I shake his hand, there's respect in his eyes at my grip.

* * *

Hearing Bane call my sister a witch may be the highlight of my entire trip. I am almost ready to go back to Sara, the last piece I need lies in getting a new identity that I can live on. With. I'd come by this information from Laurel before I left for Gotham. A young intern at Queen Consolidated. One Felicity Smoak. Laurel has met with her while waiting for Mr. Queen's son. She has incredible talent with technology it seems.

I meet her in the lobby. She stutters over her words, adjusts her glasses at least five times in the first twenty seconds of introducing myself. "I require your...expertise on a private matter." She nods, asking quietly what exactly I need. I had her a slip of paper. She looks over it before grinning. She agrees to help me, it went quicker than I expected. I blink in surprise.

I had half expected I'd have to bribe her.

"It's been a while since I've done anything like this," she pauses, glancing around nervously before dipping her head and adjusting her glasses again. "Not that I'd ever done it regularly of course." She scoffs. She's lying but I don't ask for further information. "I will finish my shift here and meet you later, we can iron out the details then." I ask her where she'd like to meet. "Jitters is cool."

I worry for a moment about running into Sara but this is more important. We agree on a time and I ask her how much she'd like in return. She shakes her head. "I have a paid internship," she tucks the paper into her purse. "This'll be kind of like a personal point of pride." She smirks. "How did you know to look for me?" When she shakes her head her ponytail bobs.

"Laurel Lance pointed me in your direction." More accurately she'd raved about the blonde MIT student on an internship with the company. She'd called her a genius to have so much going for her at her age. She had also let slip that Ms. Smoak had been a 'hacker' not terribly long ago. Felicity smiles. "So you can help me?" I want to be absolutely no-room-for-doubt sure.

"Absolutely."

Things are looking up.

* * *

Felicity is very good with computers, I wish I could understand half the things she mumbles to herself while she works. We choose a back corner of the coffee shop, I buy her lunch as a show of gratitude. I answer whatever questions she asks of me. She sits back after a long moment of working and eyes me over her cup of coffee. "So who are you hiding from exactly? If I may ask."

I tap a finger against the rim of my own cup. "It isn't really hiding. Whoever's looking for me will find me one way or another."

She frowns. "Then why," she motions to her computer.

"To become a legitimate member of society." I've shared more with this woman than Sara already. There's no real risk with Ms.Smoak. I do not particularly care if she finds out any truth about me and runs off screaming. Sara is...Sara. "I do work for my father but I have no _real_ place in the world. I doubt I even have a birth certificate." I smile ruefully. "I wish for a change."

There's a long silence. The expression that crosses her face tells me she understands. "I kinda get that. I went through a dark chapter...erased a lot of stuff," she grins. "Mostly about me. I was...not a great person not to long ago." I ask what changed. "Something happened with this guy I knew. Long story much shorter I realized that who I was wasn't who I wanted to be. Here we are now."

"It would appear we have more in common than I thought." She laughs.

"Does everyone where you're from talk like that?"

My answer is cut short by a soft call of my name. I turn and my stomach flips when I see Sara watching us. I feel oddly guilty which confounds me as I have done nothing wrong. Ms. Smoak's current actions aside of course. A strange look crosses her face and her eyes harden. She steps closer, standing by my side. I rise to meet her. "You don't call, what's a girl to think?" I want to ask her what's wrong. She looks to Felicity. "Who's this?"

Ms. Smoak remains seated but smiles meekly. Lips tight. "Felicity Smoak. You're Sara right? It's nice to meet you, your sister talks about you all the time."

Sara nods slowly with a frown. She glances back at me. "I haven't heard much about you." She takes a seat. The other blonde raises an eyebrow before looking between us and smirking. "Something funny?" Has Sara always been this hostile with other women? That can't be right. Ms. Smoak laughs a little, it makes Sara more upset. I wish-again-that I knew more about people to be able to understand what's happening.

"You're misreading the situation. I am going to get another cup of coffee, when I get back we can finish this up." She stands and waiting for my nod before stepping away. I hear her mutter 'wow' as she goes by.

I turn to Sara. "Is there a reason for your hostility?"

"I just didn't know you had a thing for blondes." She refuses to look at me. It clicks. Sara is jealous. I've had little to compare it to but I notice the behavior finally as the same way Talia acted when father first named me the Heir. She had left not terribly long after and it had been years. I smile. "If I see your sister I will have to mention your jealousy."

She looks at me. Surprised. I cut her off before she asks. "You _have_ misread the situation. Ms. Smoak is helping me with something that will allow me to stay in Starling. Nothing more. I never took you for a jealous type." I hardly recognize myself in my newfound ability to make light of things. She looks embarrassed now. She groans, covering her face with her hands. "I was just a complete ass to someone helping you."

I don't mean to laugh but I do, she laughs with me. "I'm sorry. I just...it's been a week and I haven't seen or heard from you and I come in here for some coffee and I see you with this cute blonde and I just...jumped to a conclusion. I'm really sorry." She runs her fingers through her hair and turns back to me. "You should really get a phone." I shrug. I have no intention of getting such a device.

"Is it safe to re-enter?" We both turn to the voice. Ms. Smoak has returned, steaming cup of coffee clutched close to her chest and a tight-lipped smile. She's eyes Sara as one would a wild animal. Warily. Sara stands again, trying to find the words to apologize, it's waved aside. She relaxes under Sara's attempt to make peace. "It's cool," she steps back over to her computer. "Totally get it. Awesome accent, talks like she missed a century or two, and very polite? I'd be pretty jealous too."

She backpedals, waving a freed hand after she sets her drink on the table. "Not that you need to be! I mean she bought me lunch but that was the polite thing! It's not like a date or _anything_ at all! You don't have to-there's not-I'm babbling." She counts down from three. She finally relaxes again. Even I can't keep the amusement off my face, this woman is something else.

Sara chuckles. Finally sitting down-closer than before. "You're cute." Ms. Smoak mumbles a soft 'thank you' before pulling herself away altogether and tuning back into her work. "How was your trip?" Sara turns all of her attention back to me. I ask her if she had an order, motioning back to the front of the café. She shakes her head. Her cheeks dust a pale pink. "I uh-I saw you over here with," she motions to Ms. Smoak. "I forgot about why I came in."

"I'm flattered." Her cheeks turn a shade darker. "My trip was fine, uneventful. I was planning on meeting you later today." She asks who I met with, I tell a whole truth. "My sister's ex-fiancé." She looks shocked. "Wow." I hum in agreement. If this is to work I have to be able to begin sharing more.

Once I share my whole story...if Sara still wishes to be in my life in any capacity I'll be grateful. If not then...I will be thankful for the time I had with her. For the courage she's given me to escape my father. I will move on from Starling if the later happens to occur.

Ms. Smoak works in silence while Sara asks me questions about my trip. It's another hour before she looks up from her computer with a smile. "Done." She scribbles on a paper and passes it to me. "They'll get you set up with a place to stay, I'm sure you won't be late." She collects her things and stands. "It was nice meeting you," she glances at Sara. "Both of you. Thanks for lunch." She waves and leaves us.

"I'm sorry, again, for making," she scoffs. "An _ass_ of myself."

I brush off her apologies. I tell her to think nothing of it, that Ms. Smoak will only be an ally, I say friend but she would not understand why I need someone with Ms. Smoak's skills on my side yet. I ask her if she has made any progress with her father in the time I'd been away, when I'd left it was still tense between them. She frowns. "A little better but not by much."

Suddenly she's beaming and I cannot help but smile. "I put my name in to enter a tournament next week." Her excitement is contagious, I am proud of the effort she's made for herself. "I still want to get a degree," she shrugs. "Just not for being a doctor." Her smile is still wide and excited as she finishes. I tell her she'll have to show me what she's really learned soon. She's more than happy to. She invites me to watch her train tomorrow morning.

* * *

I am in awe of Sara Lance. I always had been but seeing her like this is...something else entirely. She focuses completely on her target and lets the world fade around her. In anything but a tournament that may be dangerous, but here, now, that feels okay. She has a passion for this and a natural talent that's hard to come by. Wayne had a natural talent for learning like this.

At the thought I have a moment of panic that this may be her training to become like him.

Before I had left for Gotham I'd done a patrol of the Glades again, I am almost ashamed of how good it felt to finally do something _good_ with my training. Almost. The larger part of myself was just proud that I could. It'll no doubt make me easier to track but I hadn't been lying to my father when I had told him we'd allowed other evils to fall through. 

Sara waves but stays on the training mat while her next opponent lines up.

"She really loves this." I glance over my shoulder to see Laurel making her way over. I turn back to Sara, her back is to us now as she and her opponent begin to circle each other. Her footwork is already amazing considering she's only started training a few months ago.

"She has a natural talent not many have."

"She also wants to do this. Do you think she's ready for the tournament she signed up for?"

I watch Sara as I would watch a new recruit of the League. She switches between styles, a clever way to keep an enemy guessing. There are some gaps but she makes up for it with a lack of hesitation, she strikes the second her opponent gives her the opportunity. She would do excellent in the League, the thought makes my stomach tighten. "I think she'll only get better as she practices more. Even if she does not win the tournament."

"But you do think she has a shot right?" Laurel is worried.

"She has the same chance anyone has if they train hard enough. As long as she performs like this," Sara grapples with her opponent before she flips them over her hip. "She will go very far. You shouldn't worry."

Laurel watches Sara jump up and throw her arms in the air, she smiles at her sister's enthusiasm. She glances at me, her scrutiny makes me feel oddly bare. "You she didn't shut up about you the whole time you were gone." I blink in surprise, turning to her. "She went on and on about how she hoped you'd be back before the tournament, if she could convince you to spar with her."

She smirks. "She also went on and on last night about Felicity and that she didn't seem to be a fan. Then she rambled off about how she was super embarrassed that she was just helping you get settled in Starling and she was a jerk." She casts a glance at Sara. "I think she really likes you." Her head tips to the side thoughtfully. "I'd give you the whole speech about not hurting my sister or you'll regret it but I don't think I need to."

We're interrupted when Sara practically bounces up to us, clutching a half empty water bottle. Loose strands of hair cling to her skin and she's flushed but she looks...I do not have a word for it. She grins. "We're done training for the day, unless you want to spar?" I shake my head, Sara is a natural but I cannot throw a match, even for training. I do not want to crush this moment of excitement for her.

"What are you talking about?" She takes a sip of her water.

Laurel smirks again. "Just how excited you were to show off your moves...and how jealous you were of Felicity yesterday." She chuckles when Sara chokes on her drink.

"Oh my God. Shut. _Up_."

Laurel simply laughs and makes her exit. "You are kinda all she talks about since you've met." She throws over her shoulder. She side-steps the bottle Sara throws after her. I do not try to hid my smile. I missed these moments.

* * *

My new residence is a modest apartment a few minutes from downtown Starling, the person I'd met with was more than helpful. Standing in the living room I flipped the key between my fingers and relished the odd sense of belonging. I would have to get Sara a key. I wonder if that would be to forward. Would it be best to give both Lance sister's a key, just in case? Or maybe neither as it may be to soon.

I sigh in frustration. Is this the kind of thing people outside the League usually deal with? All of these...machinations? It feels tedious.

I decide to simply ask Sara if she would like a key. And Laurel.

There are three bedrooms here, I take time to pick the one I want to store my equipment. It will need a lock. There's no chance of anyone getting the key for it.

* * *

Going out that night I decide I may need better gear for this. League uniforms aren't meant to deal in protection from knifes or bullets, or even padded for a simple 'fist fight'. I will have to look into a stronger material. Not necessarily even leather. My thoughts are interrupted by a scream. I look up from the brute I'd left tied to a lamp-post. I turn to the two teenagers he'd been harassing. "Call the police, get inside and stay there." They nod, expressions slightly awe-struck.

The scream comes again, panicked and loud.

I sprint as fast as my legs will carry me. I wonder again if there's anything to be done about lightweight material. I push the thought aside as I spot a woman attempting to run. Heels are an inconvenience. I take a closer look. This woman is Felicity Smoak. It is a phenomenal thing I brought with my bow tonight. I nock an arrow and let it clip the first attacker, another slots itself into his shoulder and he drops in pain.

Ms. Smoak almost topples over at the sight of me, she takes a step back. "Get behind me." There's a flicker of recognition in her eyes and she quickly complies. The next arrow finds the second attacker just above the knee, he buckles. The last man raises his hands and backs away. Rage coils in my stomach. He gets an arrow in the leg as well.

I flip my bow in my hand and turn to the shaken blonde behind me. "It's you." She mumbles. "Nyssa, right?" I nod. "It's been you out here leaving guys for the cops to find." I nod again.

"What were you doing out so late? You must know it is not safe at night."

"I do I just," she glances at her would-be attackers. "I was working late and...it's not like this is a bad part of town."

"Crime is not specific to any one place Ms. Smoak. People like them will always seek an opportunity." She nods, and I hope she truly understands. "I'll escort you home." She happily takes the offer.

Outside her door she stops and turns to me. "You're doing really great things, I don't really agree with arrows in people but...tonight I'm pretty grateful for it. You should find a ride." At my blank stare she smiles. "Like a ride to get around the city faster. It'll help." She has a point. Using grappling arrows and silk will only get me so far. She hesitates again.

"Ms. Smoak?"

"You can call me Felicity you know." I nod. "I could...help, sometimes if you wanted. You've seen I'm really good with computers." She seems to be looking to do something with her life. Just like Sara. Just like me. I don't know if my calling is being a vigilante in Starling but this city is lost and perhaps this is the only way to attempt to fix the problem. Who am I to deny Felicity a chance at finding herself.

Who would I be if I denied myself a proper opportunity to find out if this is who I want to be. Not a killer, for once in my life. 

I nod again. "Very well. Meet me at my apartment tomorrow night, we can talk there." She looks like Sara did when she was training, exuberant.

"Awesome. Oh but we should have a better base, and some different computers, oh and-" She rattles on and I briefly wonder if I'll end up regretting this choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said this chapter isn't everything it could be but it should pick up from here. I apologize if Bane was out of character, I love Batman, he's my favorite hero and I drew on a lot of personality from the Arkham games and some of the Batman Begins series movies for reference for him.
> 
> There wasn't a lot of Nyssa/Sara in this chapter I am sorry but it'll have to happen from time to time considering everything. Didn't mean to go in a Birds of Prey direction with this but nobody can really do the vigilante thing without tech very well.


	10. Sins of The Father (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oh and as for a new Arrow Cave,"
> 
> I cut her off, mostly amused. "Arrow what?"
> 
> She glances up at me as she sits in front of the computers. "Arrow...Cave. Is that-is that bad? To much again?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still don't own Arrow.
> 
> This chapter ended up being sooooo long I decided to split it into two. No I'm not going to use every episode, some yes, but overall no. Sorry if the tournament is rough, what I learned was from the internet. 
> 
> I wanted some more Nyssara so here you are. I apologize for any redundancy or out of character moments. Nyssa, while fun to write, is hard to write one way without constantly retracing your steps.
> 
> Enjoy.

Felicity is eager, maybe to much at times but her assistance has been invaluable. She's taken to setting up a small 'base' in the spare bedroom. She tells me we'll need a different one and soon, I will have to keep an eye out.

I ask her while she works, I have to know. I cannot work with her and not have the answer. "Why are you helping me?" 

She pauses but doesn't turn. "You asked me." I agree with her.

"I did but you did not have to agree. So...why?" She still does not turn to address me but her voice becomes tight.

"I watched the report that first morning, after you showed up. You helped those people and I thought 'Finally, there's someone who can do something.' Don't get me wrong I fully support the police and what they can do but they can't be everywhere." I watch her carefully as she works, her hands slow. "Some people just can't do what you can and maybe sometimes the bad guys need someone like you to show them they can't get away with it." 

She finally turns to me, her eyes narrow. "If that makes sense." She frowns. "The point is I believe in what you can do, what you're trying to do and I want to help." I get the oddest sensation that she is asking my permission to stay.

"Ms. Smoak," 

"Felicity."

"Felicity," I pause, unsure how to say exactly what I mean. "I have asked your assistance. I will not turn you away." She blinks in surprise before her cheeks tinge pink and she whirls back to the computer monitors.

There's a short silence before she mumbles. "I can really see why Sara likes you so much."

* * *

Sara's performance during her tournament a few days later is nothing short of magnificent. There are fourteen opponents, Sara included. I spot her family, her father is here. He looks worried but when she trounces her third opponent I'm certain half the people here hear him. Laurel claps, grinning and her mother seems just as happy to see her daughter doing something she cares about.

Sara had called this a Round-Robin tournament. It may last a while but watching her...there is no place I'd rather be.

During a short intermission she all but jumps into my arms, I'd placed myself at the forefront of the crowd (I may have elbowed a person or two to get there) I hadn't wanted to miss a moment. I feel her grin against my neck. I tighten my arms around her.

She pulls back. "I kicked that guys ass." She deserves every ounce of pride that coats her voice.

I grin back at her. "You did. Though your next opponent is a woman, you may not be so lucky." She feigns shock. "Did you just make a joke? I am a good influence."

"I've made jokes before." The word 'joke' still feels foreign, even to think. She smirks before her expression turns slightly nervous. She asks me if I noticed that her father was there. I nod. "I'm sure half the people here know he's here." She laughs and I am struck again by how lucky I am to simply _be_ in her presence. The intermission is up. I reluctantly release her.

"You can go stand with them you know."

I'm not sure her father would appreciate it. "I am sure your father would prefer I keep my distance." She rolls her eyes but smiles anyway, pressing a kiss against my cheek before all but charging back into her next match.

At the end Sara comes to an impressive fifth place. For her first tournament it is a great win. She lights up the room with her smile. I keep my distance as her family surrounds her with their arms and praise. Her father looks slightly embarrassed but still proud when he talks to her. I can't hear the words but it must be positive because she almost tackles him with a tight hug.

Laurel meets my gaze and waves me over, I shake my head. She rolls her eyes and makes her way to me. "Will you come on?" She loops her hands around my arm. I protest, trying to tell her their father needs space and time from me. "He'll get over it. This is about my sister, not my dad." I want to argue but a part of me knows she's right, on another hand I don't want to cause this family any more issues.

Laurel's grip is firm and my resolve buckles when I see Sara's expectant expression.

"Hey stranger." She worries her bottom lip but grins. "Not bad for a first timer, huh?"

"You were nothing short of magnificent Sara." She blushes but if possible her grin widens. Her father grumbles something under his breath and Dinah elbows him, he quiets. Laurel unwinds her hands from my arm and actually smiles instead of smirks. "You were a badass out there, it was pretty awesome."

"It was wasn't it?"

* * *

Dinah invites me to dinner, I decline under her husband's glare. I have no wish to make Sara's family any more tense. Quentin is coming around to what his daughter wants to do with her life. That does not mean he's coming around to me being in her life.

Sara has changed into her regular clothes again. "We can do something tomorrow night to celebrate." She offers her parents while she presses herself into my side. I'm still unsure what exactly we are but I do not mind her affection, public or otherwise. Her father mumbles a suggestion that maybe we could put off whatever we have planned instead but looks away at Sara's glare.

"I'll see you guys at home." She tugs my arm. "I want a tour of your new place." She smirks at her father's choked opposition. Laurel is her defense. "Oh my God, dad she's an adult. We'll do something tomorrow." I can hear the grin I her voice. "I want you home at a decent hour young lady." The Lance women laugh I try not to find Quentin's grumbling amusing but it's hard not to.

Sara has been a good influence.

Felicity had promised to be cleared out by the time I returned, she had her 'other job' to go to. Sara deserves a key. I will have to ask if it would be odd to ask if her sister needs one. Some etiquette is lost on me. Hopefully she understands that but then I remember this is Sara and she always has. I can feel the day I have to tell her everything get closer everyday. It worries me.

"I am ready to be amazed." She grins. Her hands are tucked in her jacket, against the cold during the walk here. The entire walk Sara had spoken about her practice times and how excited she was for the next tournament she could enter, determined to do even better. She had asked at one point if she was boring me. 'It is not possible.' Her cheeks had been tinged pink from the cold turned an even darker shade.

I hold open the door for her and she whistles as she steps around me.

"This house is bitchin'."

I cannot help my laugh in bafflement. She laughs with me as she shrugs off her jacket and slips off her sneakers. She eyes the kitchen to the left. "I can make some pop tarts sometime." She laughs when I refuse to allow those monstrosities past the door. "Do I get to help decorate?" The walls are still blank, there is no television (I honestly have no intention to get one), a small sofa and chair. I shrug. It could use a touch.

"By all means."

I follow as she continues to explore. She doesn't say anything about the locked door but she seems to like it here, an odd feeling of accomplishment settles in my chest that she will enjoy her time. Her tour ends in the master bedroom, she pulls the curtains back from one of the three windows in the room. "It has potential, I dig it." She turns to me with a smile. Content.

I cannot simply take what she gives and offer nothing in return. 

I will have to tell her the truth. It simply remains to be seen if I have the courage to start...anywhere. She stands there for a moment and I am in awe of her. The sun strikes the blonde of her hair and makes it appear as spun gold. Her eyes are bright, she worries her bottom lip between her teeth. I'm unsure what I've done right to be here in this space with Sara.

Finally she grins again and takes a running start at the bed. She throws herself onto the plain sheets and giggles. "This may be the comfiest bed I have ever been on." She lazily kicks her legs against the side of the mattress and watches me. She holds out a hand for me to come closer.

My stomach flutters with nerves and I twist my hands together. Sara is content to spend time with me, content to express how she feels and I want to be able to do the same someday. It's an odd sensation. Sara is innocent. Despite my change in heart of profession my hands are still coated with blood. I make my way to her slowly, somehow terrified that between one step and the other she'll realize everything I've never said and flee.

I sit on the edge and take her hand. Maybe a little tighter than I need to. She doesn't seem to mind.

"Can I ask why one of your doors is locked already?" She mumbles. "Is it a super secret lair?" She's surprisingly close. I smile halfheartedly.

Unsure where to begin I tell her the first thing she truly needs to know. "There is still very much you do not know, Sara, but I do have every intention of telling you. Not all of it is good, I am not...I hope when I do tell you everything you will listen completely and not shut me out." I pause. "I do not deserve your affection."

She sits up, eyes concerned. "I _like_ you Nyssa. I will wait however long it takes for you to tell me. No pressure." She smiles finally and a weight leaves my chest. "As for not deserving my affection." She crosses her legs in front of her and takes both of my hands. "They're mine to give. When you're ready to really talk I'm sure it won't change." I tell her I'm not as certain as she is. She laughs. "You are a good person."

I flinch. "I _want_ to be."

"You are. However blind you or my dad thinks I am I do see things." All traces of amusement are gone and the weight settles back on my chest. I protest, pulling back. I have never thought of Sara as blind in any respect. She may not see the demon in me but more than that she found the good that was left and fostered it. Sara pulls me back.

"Listen to me. Even people raised in the mountains of Tibet don't do some of the things you do. I saw how angry you got at those guys that tried to attack us and that woman. I think whatever history you have with your dad is complicated and hurts you when it doesn't make you mad. I know you miss your sister and you wish you'd been closer. Completely willing to share Laurel by the way."

There's another pause.

"I am mystified by you Nyssa." Finally she smiles again. "And several other adjectives I will spare you from."

"I am in awe of you." I breathe.

She tugs on my hands and closes the distance between us. Honestly it never occurred to me that I would enjoy kissing, regardless of the person. Kissing Sara though, few times as it has been, it feels as it did the first time. The universe exploding in my head. Incredible and indescribable. I don't resist when she slowly falls back and pulls me with her. Her thighs tighten around my hips and I wonder for a second if this is the closest I will come to a religious experience.

A hand finds her hip, slipping just under the shirt. She gasps and I pull away, worried I've overstepped. Her smile at my panic relaxes me. Her arms curl around my neck and pull me back in again. Sara really is nothing short of magnificent. My hand returns to her hip, I resist the urge to explore more. Sara pulls me closer still, eradicating any space between us.

My world tips on its axis.

* * *

I walk Sara home. She'd insisted I didn't have to, her words were 'I'm pretty much a certified ass-kicker now.' I laughed. I hadn't even meant to. Before meeting Sara I had forgotten what my own laughter even sounded like.  Standing outside her door I get the strangest feeling that her father is watching. I spot a shadow past the curtains to the living room.

"Your father really dislikes me." I muse, frowning.

"He'll come around." I chuckle and press a kiss to her forehead, I still cannot understand these newfound urges to show affection but I will enjoy them nevertheless.

We stand there in a comfortable silence. Sara is tucked into her jacket and scarf. She seems content to stand here in the cold with me and I with her. Soon; however, the moment is broken by the front door opening. I can see her father's shadow outlined by the light inside. He calls for Sara. You would think she was still a teenager. I smile when she rolls her eyes.

"Be right there." She takes my hand. "My birthday is coming up soon." Laurel had invited me to the party. "We should make plans." I agree. I'd already gotten her gift. It was tucked away. Giving gifts is another foreign concept. Laurel and Felicity had both explained it and I still found the custom strange. Again I wonder how different things would have been if I had been anyone else.

Sara smiles at me, squeezes my hand and bids me goodnight. She spares her father any affection towards me. I turn to hide my smile as she almost shoulders him aside. 

I hope she enjoys the gift I've chosen.

* * *

Felicity has taken to letting herself in. She offers me a coffee and bright 'good morning!' as she sits across from me in the spare room, clutching a large box. "So, I hope you don't mind, but I took it upon myself to get you some new gear." She waves a hand at my blank stare. "Not that there was anything wrong with the gear before, it looked fine, I'm not trying to-I just thought-"

"Breathe, please."

She pauses before counting down from three.

"I am not offended. I agree with you. Besides I'd be an easy target in that equipment if I continue to use it." I mean it differently than how she takes it but that's alright. League outfits are meant to be protection from certain weathers, and prying eyes in the darkness. The leather does help with knives but very little. If I ever come across Merlyn with a bow and arrow it would do nothing.

Felicity grins, she reminds me of Laurel for a moment and I become worried if this was indeed a mistake. She places the box on the table and removes the lid. "I had a friend do some work for me. Used up a favor but it's totally worth it. What do you think? To much, not enough? To much red?" She rattles on but I tune her out for a moment. This is...

"[Perfect](https://www.fashmates.com/set/5b954db9680c1b6ba8edeb94-1544288428552)."

"It is?"

I nod, pulling the jacket out and examining it up close. "It's reinforced. There's some Kevlar in there to help too but mostly around the chest. It'll keep you warm _and_ help with stabbing." She chuckles at the last bit. "Oh and as for a new Arrow Cave,"

I cut her off, mostly amused. "Arrow what?"

She glances up at me as she sits in front of the computers. "Arrow...Cave. Is that-is that bad? To much again?" I shake my head and wonder if she'd gotten the idea from a friend in Gotham. I tell her she can call it whatever she likes and she beams. "So there's this abandoned clocktower near my place, it is a little run down _but_ I think it could be pretty awesome."

I pull on the jacket as she continues, I am very out of touch with technology, it fits perfectly. She must have taken the measurements from the old one. Pausing, I spot a mask that had been hidden underneath. It's black with small vents on either side to breath and it clasps at the back. I had never been a fan of the cowl.

"Probably overstepping here but...are you planning on telling Sara? Like at some point."

It feels like an overpass on boundaries but we had never set any and I doubt Felicity Smoak adheres to them. It is something I know I need to do.

"Just curious because it isn't like you're not on the news. Laurel says Sara watches every single report about you. Not that she knows it's you, which is why I brought it up, but then-" She waves distractedly.

"Breathe, please." I shuffle from foot to foot as I wait for her to count. She is oddly endearing.

"Thank you. My point is you can't date her and do this _and_ have her not find out. It's not plausible. Like at all." She isn't wrong. I tell her I simply need more time. To settle in to Starling and whatever this is. Vigilantism I suppose. It could be nothing else. "Okay. I will go check out the tower, this is for you, don't argue." She hands me a phone. "It's encrypted so if we happen to use it for business it's safe."

I sigh. It was inevitable I suppose.

"Also, before we get started for real...what do you do?" She nervously ticks her thumbnail against her fingernail so they click. I hand her a card.

I'd yet to tell Sara but I'd gotten a small job in the local museum. History is a forte of mine and I can easily tell when something is authentic. It'll be nice to earn a living. Without sacrificing a part of myself. The job is behind closed doors with artifacts and displays. I officially start next week and find myself oddly excited. It makes me feel real. To have things of my own. Felicity's work on my identity being one with a degree is history played no small part.

According to my resume I'm still studying.

* * *

I find Sara at Jitter's early in the morning, her eyes are glued to the television set against the wall. Apparently a bank had been robbed, in broad daylight. They'd managed to escape by digging their way out and releasing their hostages all at once with the same masks they'd used themselves. Clever. My new phone buzzes in my pocket as I wait to order a cup of tea, I already hate this thing. 

It's a message from Felicity.

Smoak **: Did you see it?**

**Yes**.

Smoak **: Are we going to help?**

**Only if it escalates.**

Smoak **: I'll keep any eye out.**

I sit across from Sara, she blinks owlishly, looking lie she's only slept a few hours. "Is everything alright?" I frown when her eyes shine with tears. "He died last night," she sniffs. Her father? Surely I would have found out before now. "I know he was getting old but...I never even gave him a real name." She wipes away her tears before they fall and chuckles. Self-depreciating. "I did like Ta-er al-Sahfer though." Her pronunciation is quite good. She's practiced it.

The canary. I relax. "I thought you meant your father." I sigh as I take one of her hands and hold it tight. She gives another watery halfhearted laugh and shakes her head. "Nah, you probably wouldn't see me for a while if that happened. I know it probably seems silly to you," I stop her.

"Sara, nothing you say or do is silly and certainly not unimportant. The idea of pets confounds me at times but he was your companion." I imagine Sara talking aimlessly to the animal, his only answer a song. "He was a gift from your father and he was important to you. That is all I need to know." There's a long silence and I worry I've said to much before she smiles, a real one.

She wipes another tear away. "I really loved him. I used to tell him all my secrets." Somehow I doubt she has very many but I smile at the idea. "The people I had a crush on, or a boy who annoyed me. That one time I cheated on my homework. It was nice to tell those things out loud and not be judged. Or maybe he did, I don't know." Her laugh is soft but lighter than before.

The news report repeats.

Sara turns back to the screen. Her eyebrows crease in anger. "If the police can't catch them I hope that vigilante kicks their asses. They shot a cop, off duty, he was young. The doctors are saying he may not make it." She explains how upset her father was when he came home. How hurt. I ask her if the vigilante is the best answer.

"Sometimes just doing some time doesn't fix it. Maybe knocking some literal sense into them is the answer." Her shoulder's slump. I worry what she'll do if she continues to think like this. I am not accustomed to seeing her this hopeless.

I set my jaw, remembering why I chose to stay, the truth I told my father before returning. Eliminating sex traffic rings, drug trades, war grade weapons deals was all well and good but I had been correct that only targeting those people allowed others to slip through. I still intend to rid this place of those things but I refuse to allow myself to fall back into being the Heir. I have to be better than that.

For Sara. For myself.

* * *

Standing in the clock-tower with Felicity, who had insisted I come after she'd looked into it, I feel lie things are finally falling into place. The blonde excitedly babbles about where we'll set everything when it all comes in. It'll take a few weeks. "If it all comes at once it'll look super shady and there goes our cover." She explained, she hadn't needed to but I didn't want to ruin her momentum.

"We can have a case for your suit over there, oh we can make it like in the movies where the bookcase turns and," She makes a gesture with her hand before beaming. "This place is gonna be perfect. We can start bringing in the tech as soon as tomorrow."

Felicity goes over the robbery as I continue to look around. This isn't the first job they've done, it is the first time they've apparently shot to kill. They'll be planning their next job. I ask her to try and see which ones they could strike before leaving the city. "It's hard to say right now. Let's keep an ear out on SCPD and keep tabs on what they have."

I pause. Turning back to her she offers an almost guilty smile. "Felicity?"

"I may have...tapped...into the SCPD. Just for information that can help us. I told you, you have a chance to change things. I want to help and whatever leads we can get is for the better right?"

I sigh. "I suppose so." Maybe taking out a group like this will be a larger lesson. At this point I need to make an example. That criminals cannot just do as they please and get away with it.

And depending on how far gone Merlyn is he too will be made an example of.

* * *

This may have been a poor choice on my part but we had little option. The police are quite under funded. Not even an alarm system. I tuck myself against the walls in the shadows as I wait for the officers to clear the room.

Technology still confounds me.

_"Don't worry about which computer, just insert the drive and I will do the rest from here_."

One of the men had a class ring. I had wanted to ask Felicity if the idea of a 'class ring' was anything like the ring Ra's al Ghul wears but it seemed oddly silly and I kept it to myself. A guard had been struck by the man and the hope is that it left enough of an impression to identify him or at least get us a lead.

Watching the screens flash with text and pictures as Felicity works gives me an inept sensation. I'll have to ask for a quick session someday.

" _Almost done_."

I hear a door behind me. "So they don't know anything about his condition yet?" Sara. She cannot see me like this. "Not yet. Lucky for him your sister managed to convince Queen to foot the bill. At least now he has a chance." Quentin Lance. This night cannot get any better. They're close. Just outside the door. I will Felicity to work faster. I have to move.

" _Done. Go_!"

Relief has never been so sweet. I leave the way I came before they're even through the door.

* * *

Felicity is potentially a miracle worker with computers. The realization that I most likely could never have gotten this far without this help is a sting to the ego but I let it go, there are more important things.

I stand clear as she works.

"It's honestly just a cross reference with rough estimations. From that list I just dig a little bit more and," she pulls up an image of a man, he looked like he could have been a good man once. "Meet Kyle Reston. Before his senior year of high school he basically dropped off the face of the Earth and not just him either. His whole family, brother, father and mother which is why it was pretty easy to identify him."

"The report said there were three men involved." 

Felicity turns back to the computer and pulls up a picture from inside the bank and one of the hostages coming out. "The pictures of the hostages being released and a public report have thirteen women being released. Video feeds inside the bank count fourteen. I'd bet anything they put the mom in there to keep eyes out for them."

"And the police haven't gotten this far because?"

She shrugs. "They may not have gotten to it yet. They _have_ to follow protocol. Lucky for us," she smiles. "You don't." An alert gleams to life on her monitor. "Uh oh." She curses under her breath. The family has already hit again. I thought I'd have a little more time, I suppose a day is the best to hope for.

"It's already happened, they're under ground." She hands me my earpiece and gives me the location. One good thing about my previous missions in and through the city is that I've had plenty of time to study the streets and landmarks, especially now that I'm staying to save it. "You'll have to grapple for now. That motorcycle won't be here for another week." Felicity winces as I push open a window.

I thank her before I allow myself to free fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it, another one is coming soon. Fight scenes of any kind still aren't my thing so still don't expect great ones.
> 
> Also hope you like my shoutout to other DC favorites of mine. I don't want to do it to much. Also the title name is legit a coincidence, I got the idea from the ending of this chapter (next chapter for you).


	11. Sins of The Father (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Reston admitted that he was what went wrong with his family. I just wonder if children will always pay for the sins of their parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Arrow. 
> 
> Again, for most of this story the time table is moved up. Merlyn had already been out of the League for a while anyway so it just works for me. 
> 
> Sorry for any redundancy. And that the fighting is lack luster.

Thinking about the gift I'll get Sara while tracking the robbers is an awful thing to do. I push it aside. Unless she is here I cannot allow my thoughts to drift. Risking injury over reward is beneficial to no one. Least of all myself if Sara sees it. It won't be hard to put together after.

The police are steps behind me but the family sees them first. I pin an arrow in the bag they intended to leave with. It's to far to risk going after. Logically anyway. That doesn't stop them from turning their guns on me, but better me than the officers.

I glance another arrow off one of the guns, the force pulling it from their grip. I never did like guns. Far to loud and graceless for myself.

"Let's go!"

"The cash!"

"Forget it! Move!"

I fire another warning shot over a shoulder as they flee. The whistle of it through the air is almost music to my ears. This is not the moment to take them down. To many people and not enough room to avoid someone being shot, no matter how fast I am. The risk is to high and certainly not for myself.

"The Vigilante!" They'll shoot first. It's time to go.

The Magician may have taught me a flare for the dramatics, I fire over their heads and the smoke bomb attached explodes as it hits the ceiling. That trick had been one of his. I see now why he had enjoyed it. I easily escape in their confusion. Taking refuge above the chaos I sit and wait in the metal beams and pipes as the officers scramble to chase the robbers and potentially myself.

* * *

Sara lights up when she sees me. "You made it!" I smile in return, stepping inside as she moves back to make room. "Is that for me?" She nods to the box in my hands, wrapped neatly. I may have stopped by Laurel's office for tips on birthday traditions, such as wrapping the items. She had laughed as we sat in my apartment for an hour going over the best ways to wrap a gift. I will never admit it to Sara but I went through a complete roll of tape trying to get it just right.

"I hope you like it. I have another one set aside but that's for later." At her raised eyebrow and smirk I shake my head in realization and panic. "Not like that. It's an...actual gift." I clear my throat at the implication. Sara mercifully takes pity on me and simply loops her arm around mine, pulling me further inside. "I'm sure I'll love it." There is a small stack of gifts on the kitchen island.

"You are certain I'm welcome tonight?" I am aware of the holiday. "I don't want to,"

"We celebrate Christmas the day before. My parents had decided on that when I was born. It's just a small party if we aren't visiting family. Felicity is here though." Her smile is mostly embarrassed as she looks to the floor. "I invited her to mend the gap. I wanted to make up for being a jealous jerk." Her eyes come back up to meet mine. Happy again. "I'm glad you're making friends. Even with my sister." She glances to my left.

Laurel smiles from the doorway. She nods to the blue foil wrapped box Sara had set down. "Practice makes perfect apparently." Suddenly I regret asking for her help but she has always been like this with me and even more with Sara. I like that she does not treat me differently. Appreciate. "Glad you could make it Nyssa. We are happy to have you despite whatever dad may say."

I nod. I'm unsure anything I could say would express my gratitude at being included.

The party is small, just the Lance family, Felicity and myself. Despite Mr. Lance's occasional mumble I actually enjoy the night. Felicity rambles only once as she explains (in a heavily edited form) how we had met. Laurel is ready to graduate soon, with honors. Sara talks excitedly about her next tournament plans and potentially working at a nearby gym to teach self defense.

Had life been different this could have been my own family. Hard as it is to imagine. There's a jolt that has me take a step back to the kitchen for a break. I need to breath. This...being invited here and welcomed. Even at Mr. Lance's sure protest. I take a deep breath and blink back tears. However much I've changed crying is something I'll never enjoy.

It is Sara of course who finds me a moment later. I feel her hand press into the center of my back as she leans against the counter beside me. "Hey, everything okay? If my dad," I cut her off with a quiet laugh. She frowns in confusion. "Are these happy tears...sad ones?"

My voice cannot be trusted until I finish fighting off the tears. Instead I turn to her and wrap her in my arms. She all but melts into me. Even without the kisses and touches of our growing closeness. Even just standing here like this. My universe feels like it starts and stops here. Full circle. Finally. "Thank you for inviting me Habibti." I had not meant to say it but I don't regret it for a second.

Sara had invited me because somehow I'd become a part of this. Not for the first time I wonder where I'd be if we had never met. Lost, no doubt, in the abyss.

"Habibti?" She mutters into my neck. I pull back.

"Arabic. It means beloved."

The silence that follows feels like forever and I begin to worry I've overstepped. Her mouth moves. Voice so low I almost don't hear her. "I like that." She asks me to say it again. "Habibti." She tries to say it after. It is rough in her mouth but the potential is there. I want to teach her. To have something to share just for ourselves. Something real that does not have to be tangible.

"One more time." She's smiling now. Her face is flushed pink. I pull her into another hug and whisper it into her hair like a prayer.

We stay there for a long time. It always feels like forever with Sara. Whatever we are I loathe whatever day comes if she chooses to let me go.

Laurel's call of, "Presents and cake or the other way around. I kinda just want cake at this point. Come on Birthday Girl!", from the other room jostles us and we step apart. Her smile is brilliant as the others crowd in with us. "We won't sing Happy Birthday, but..." Her sister steps aside at their father sets a cake on the counter. "Happy Birthday."

Sara and Laurel hug each other so tight I become worried one of them may suffocate. They pull apart and Felicity doesn't hesitate in moving in for one of her own. Sara apologizes again when they separate. Felicity waves it off. "Water under the bridge. Don't even worry about it. Now let's see these gifts! And then some cake because it looks amazing."

Her mother and sister are taking Sara's new life interest to heart.

Laurel had gotten her a practice Bo staff. "You've been really into your training and this is the first time you've been so passionate about it. I wanted to help."

Her mother had chosen instructional guides and histories of different forms of martial arts. When Sara playfully tells her mother, 'This is such a _you_ gift,' Dinah merely smirks in return.

Her father chose a necklace with a bird. A canary. Sara's eyes filled with tears before quickly blinking them away.

Felicity had just about outdone them all if it had been a competition. She'd gotten Sara a beginner archery set. "The Bo staff is actually way cooler. I just...I know that you're interested in archery now," she didn't need to explain why. "I thought you could see if you like it." She wilts under Sara's father's glare.

"That damn vigilante," his wife stops him with a hand on his shoulder.

"I highly doubt Felicity would have gotten this for Sara if she thought it would lead to her running around and pinning people with arrows."

He still grumbles but Sara is already hugging the other blonde again and thanking her profusely. She swears to her father she won't shoot anyone while smirking. She takes my gift and grins up at me, I cannot help but smile back. "Best for last." She laughs at her sister and father's indignant huffs. I notice she's far more gentle with removing the paper from this than the others.

"Nyssa," she gapes at the gift. "This is..." I worry that she hates it.

"Do you dislike it?"

The look of disbelief and outrage she gives me is both calming and satisfying. "Are you kidding? I love it." She jumps up and almost sends us both to the ground with the force of her hug. She turns back around quickly and pulls it out of the box. "It's gorgeous." She runs her fingers over the leather.

It's a black leather jacket, unlike the ones she has this isn't a size to large.

Eager would be the simple way to say how Sara tugs it on and rolls her shoulders to test the feel. It ends just half passed her ribs. Laurel and Felicity both whistle, Sara preens under their approval. She turns to her father, arms out, searching. Her back is to me but I can imagine the hope on her face at wanting him to like it. His expression turns guilty and he offers a small smile.

"It's nice." He only half means it, his eyebrows arch questioningly as if to ask if he got the answer right. He must because she swoops across the table into a crushing hug. He divides the cake and silently offers me a slice. His face is blank. I do not want to refuse it feels like a test, to what end I do not know. A slice of overly sweet dessert cannot be a father's test over his child?

Can it?

Before I drive myself into a frenzy of confounding thoughts, Sara mercifully (as always), cuts in and takes it from him. "She's not big on sweets." She smiles softly at her father and leads me away. "You can try if you want to though, I didn't mean to be pushy." Her worried frown is adorable.

"If it is anything like those 'pop tarts'," the word is still foreign and unpleasant in my mouth. "Then by all means keep it." Her laugh fills the room.

An hour later Felicity and I make our exit. Sara stops me on the top step and closes the door behind her. Felicity waits on the sidewalk a few feet away for privacy. "So when do I get this other gift?" I cannot help but smile at her usual grin. "Is it the fun kind?" Again I find myself at a loss, I frown.

"Is this a euphemism?"

Sara closes her eyes for a moment, they seem even brighter when she opens them again. Her smile only just softer. "Yes, Nyssa, it is a euphemism."

"Oh. Then no, it is not the fun kind. Although I hope you enjoy it either way," she cuts me off with a chaste kiss and my chest tightens. She tells me she is only teasing me. That she cannot wait to see it. The blush on her cheeks after I press a kiss to them seems reward enough for anything. I bid her goodnight and wait on the sidewalk with Felicity until she closes the door and the porch light goes out.

"Smooth." Felicity smirks as we start the slow walk out of the neighborhood.

The roll of my eyes is involuntary. "You really are as bad as Laurel." She laughs before the silence sets in and the mood becomes somber. "What are we gonna do about the Reston's?"

That is the question. My refusal to be the weapon my father has always wanted me to be leaves me with a limited number of options. "Mr. Reston used to work for Queen Consolidated, according to his record he was a good man once. He is taking back what he believes he is owed. He needs to have a chance to make it right before it spirals further."

"Nyssa it has officially spiraled. Look whatever chance you want to give...I support, but he needs to know that there are no others after. There has to be a consequence." She is right. I only hope he is not to far gone.

* * *

Felicity tracks Derek Reston to a bar he apparently frequents. He is at a loss for who I am or how I know so much about him and his family. When I bring up his work with Queen Consolidated his face becomes blank but I read the anger behind his eyes just fine. Certain things I am at a loss for, reading people like Reston will always be easy.

He tells a brief story about his time working at the factory, long abandoned in the Glades, how Robert Queen lied to him and his team about their work. He has every right to be angry and bitter. I tell him as much.

"I do understand Mr. Reston. I have found myself at a cross-road recently. However lost you think you are I can tell you," I place my hand on the table between us. "This is not the way." His eyes flicker with realization and panic before settling again. "My reach is far. I can find you another job within a night. Anywhere you like." I am still owed many favors.

"I am giving you a chance to make this right. I know you have your pride, everyone does. But please understand me when I say this may be a last opportunity to turn your life and your family's lives around." Please don't make this hard for me. For you. Please.

"Lady, I don't even know you." He sits back in his chair. For a moment I had hope. He refuses my offer. Says he does not need help from a 'friend' of the man who ruined his life. I reiterate that I have nothing to do with the Queens. He still refuses. I leave quietly. Not before slipping the microphone Felicity had insisted I bring into his coat. I have to hope there is a chance I've reached him.

Somewhere in his bitterness.

* * *

Felicity records all of their conversations, she insists she cannot use them. When I ask why she waves a hand and mumbles something about the law. "We're basically just holding the information, if they plan a hit for next week or something like that." She goes back to listening Derek Reston mutter to his wife. Maybe I have gotten through to him.

I pin another arrow in a low hanging target. The insistence on a practice area in the tower was a phenomenal idea on her part. Moving targets are my preference though.

" _Alright_." Comes through the silence. " _One more_." Felicity sighs. Another arrow in another target.

"No more chances?" She turns to me, frown set. I shake my head.

"No. We wait until we get word. The rest will be simple." And it is. Taking down criminals is what I've trained my whole life to do. From here it is take them down and leave them for the justice system to take them in. Of course it won't actually be as simple as all that. They never go without a fight. After listening to their plans I leave to meet them there, Redwood Bank.

I accost the boy with the blood-lust first. I cannot say I mind. He is in desperate need of a lesson. I blink away the image of Wasim, beaten bloody and scarred for life. There is no room for distraction on a mission. No room for error. It could mean my life, or his if I lose myself.

Kyle Reston is prepared, even with my speed he still deflects my first shot. I am grateful for the cover as I roll out of his sight and behind the desk. Slipping into the shadows was always a specialty. Moving as silent as one was a skill. Perhaps a deadly one if I was not trying to be better. I let him search. Let him think he has gotten me. He gasps in pain as he turns and my arrow finds a home in his right shoulder.

He is fast, in the League he would have gone far on rage alone. He has a natural talent for violence. I can see it in his movements as he drops the gun and breaks the arrow. I can feel it as he tries to press in with his Police shield. But he is clumsy and young. Untrained. I find all the gaps in his defense in a single moment, choose the best one and easily maneuver around him.

He grunts again when I kick out the back of his knee forcing him to collapse and again when I strike him with my bow across his temple. Had he not been wearing a mask I wouldn't have risked it. Still, he tries to stand. A simple fist to the center of his mask has him limp, unconscious across the floor.

"Are you okay?"

"Of course. If he had training beyond his adrenaline he would have been more of a threat."

"It looked like he was giving you a full-court press for a second there. You're sure you're okay?" If she's always going to worry this much I'll need more radio silence.

"I don't know what that is but I assure you I'm fine." She chuckles and falls silent.

I find Mr. Reston in the vault. Frozen in fear. He holds up his hands, babbling about his son. I promise him his son is simply unconscious in the other room. Felicity had called the Police just after I arrived. I wait with him, weapon at my side until I hear the sirens. "I turned him into this, _I_ did this to us." He sobs. I am at a loss for what to say, so I say nothing and quickly make my exit.

My mind is once again a tangle of weather or not I had done the right thing as I make my way back to the tower. Felicity smiles at me when I return. "Why the long face?"

"It would have been easy. Back there. To simply kill them and be done with it. It is what I have trained to do my entire life. I am...trying to reconcile what I want with what I've been taught. It was easy when it came to a simple low-life street criminal. These were people that were hurting others, potentially killing them, and I let them go." This is the most I've told anyone about my life, who I had been. While it was true Felicity knew some details, openly admitting this was to much at once.

Felicity Smoak is remarkable. Not as incredible as I found Sara but remarkable all the same. She takes it in stride and smiles at me anyway.

"You are trying to change people's lives Nyssa. I don't care about your past. I care about who you are now and what we can do to help this city. As long as you don't go out on a killing spree I will still be here. And so will Sara. I mean don't explain it like that, like just a ramble of killing people. That would freak her out. Not that I'm not a little but I can see you're trying to help so honestly," she rambles.

My hands rest on my hips as I wait for her to finish. Oddly enough, it makes me feel immensely better.

Felicity waves a hand. "My point is! Look to the future. Whoever you used to be is behind you, where it should be. How awesome did it feel to just...do something you wanted to do?" Take them down and let them live. I offer a small smile of my own.

"Surprisingly rewarding. It felt as if I could really do some good with my life."

"You didn't have to kill anyone and they will serve plenty of time for them to re-think their life choices. You did amazing tonight Nyssa. You should be proud of yourself, and whenever you tell Sara the truth I know she will be too."

There's another silence before she asks me if there is anything else on my mind. "Mr. Reston admitted that he was what went wrong with his family. I just wonder if children will always pay for the sins of their parents." She tells me she doesn't have that answer.

* * *

Sara's eyes are curious as they watch me over our food. She's brought me to a local diner, I cannot stomach that Big Belly brand. I know I have been poor company today. I still have not made time to get Sara her gift. I am pleased to see her wearing her new jacket.

"You're quieter than usual today. Do you wanna talk about it?"

I sigh. "I apologize. I'm just...in my own head." She takes my hand but doesn't speak. "I have just been learning a lot about myself recently. It was," I'm not sure how to describe it. "Surprisingly positive."

Sara's smile has always lit up the world around me, it is no different now. "You ready to tell me the whole story?"

"Very soon." If I continue to put past impulses and habits behind me. I have to believe I can be better. Otherwise why am I here?

"Awesome." Sara beams and holds up a 'French fry', I eye it curiously. "Now on to tastier things." She dips it into her milkshake and offers it to me. I want to tell her that seems to be the single most disgusting thing I have seen. Deep fried food in a frozen dessert? She laughs at my frown and eats it herself.

"How...American." She laughs harder with a soft, 'Ouch.' Again she dips a fry and offers it to me. Despite my better judgment I try it. I pull back in surprise. "Well...that is...surprising."

"Yeah, surprisingly amazing!"

Felicity was right. Whatever I had learned from my father I am trying to be someone else. I cannot allow my confidence in this new mission to waver. However much I may have to pay for past crimes, being here now with this fantastic woman? It feels worth it. Every single second.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to do at least two more chapters, a bit of a time skip to January or something, before Sara get more details on LOA. Again I do take ideas if there is something you want to see, yes Merlyn and Ra's are the end goal but that doesn't really mean the story has to end there. 
> 
> Habibti can mean Beloved or My Love, if my research is correct. Sorry if I spelled it wrong.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	12. Keeping Dates (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I happen to like dates."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Arrow, Batman or any related characters, if I did Nyssa would've been a main character forever ago :)

Sara's gaped expression leaves me with a worry that this was to much. To soon as well. We stand in my bedroom, feet apart. I had truly thought she would like it. Him. Them. Unaware of whatever Sara may be thinking the canaries sing gleefully in the beam of sunlight that streams through the open curtains.

"Habibti?"

There is a soft noise that comes from her throat that grows in volume so fast I wonder if she has hurt herself. She shouts, the canaries shrink back against the edge of their cage, throwing herself onto me in a tight hug. There's a pause of surprise. I ask her if she likes them. She nods into my shoulder. She mumbles that she loves them before pressing a quick kiss to my cheek and pulling away to get a closer look.

"This is...amazing. Why?" Her fingers press between the bars as she looks back to me.

My shoulder's arch into a small shrug. "You were terribly upset about the loss of your first one. I suppose I thought you could use a companion of your own and he of his own." Another feeling of worry that I've overstepped weighs on my shoulders. "You told me you used to confide in him, I want you to be able to talk to someone, bird or otherwise." I smile as they begin to sing again. "Besides I am sure you miss the music."

"I do." There are tears again. I hope they're happy. They must be, she is smiling. "Don't look so freaked. I love it, I promise. Come over here." She tips her head towards the animals. I kneel beside her. "Do they have names?" I tell her that they are for her, so my naming them would have been pointless. She laughs. "Talking to you is the highlight of any day." The fact, the knowledge, that _I_ am the cause of the joy on her face...the words escape my grasp.

Sara whistles at them, they sing back. They may have sung regardless but it doesn't stop the grin she has at their answer. "They're beautiful, thank you." Her voice is a whisper as she leans against my shoulder. I miss these moments. No work, no training, no Vigilante...just Sara and Nyssa. Just us.

Sara has taken to practicing her Bo staff in the living room, I watch silently from the kitchen island. Her movements make me wonder if Sara was designed to be a fighter of any capacity. I hope she listens to her father and any better judgment she has and stays far away from the line of work I have found myself in with Felicity. It is far to dangerous and her skills, while impressive, are still to rough.

"You've been staring at me like you want to correct everything I'm doing." She blows stray locks of hair from her face. "Any hot tips, Sensei?" I raise a brow and she leans against her staff with a giggle.

"In my training experience the teacher is called Master but Sensei is just as well."

I don't think I'll ever be prepared for her sly smirks, they always make my heart flutter in anticipation. "Master huh? Well sorry not sorry but you'll have to settle for Sensei, Madam."

I don't mean to. "I think I prefer Princess to Madam." It had been a slip, careless, but maybe it was what I needed. It gave me a place to start. My company looks as though she's discovered the secret of life as she leaps across the space between us-Bo staff tossed aside-and leans in across the counter to me. "What was that?" I smile at her eager attention and repeat myself.

"Princess? Is your dad a king or something too?"

I frown. "Or something. I was not called Princess by many back home." Silence settles between us. Her patience seems to be a virtue, and my own desire to have everything between us for once. It is not the time for everything, but I can offer more. "While I do work for my father, my managing of his assets-while true-is much more...unsavory." She frowns.

"Nyssa, you're not like a Call Girl are you?"

I blink, lost-again-in the confusion of a world I have missed a great deal of. "Call Girl?" It comes out slow and unsure. Sara laughs, shaking her head before propping it against her hand as she leans farther. "Never mind, you're to _you_ to be one." I'm not sure I ever want to know what it is. She tells me to continue, small smile back across her face.

"While my name is Nyssa Raatko, the title I once went by was Nyssa al Ghul. I will explain that at a later time at length. What I need to tell you now," what I have to tell her. "is that I lived a very closed off existence. If there was a problem for my father, I went and took care of it, and I returned home. As traveled as I am I know very little about the world." I save her from the details of the countless lives lost on my missions.

"I need you to understand Sara, before you hear everything. I in no way condone my past actions. As I said I have lived a life very sheltered." My hands shake from nerves, I set down my lukewarm cup of tea before I drop it. It is much to late to turn back now. It always had been, from the very first moment I sat across from her. Maybe the moment we met. It was sealed. She takes my hands in her own.

She commands my attention, I look at her, fully. Her eyes are serious. She is set in stone in this space with me. "You can tell me anything. I am not going anywhere."

"You cannot know that."

"I do. I don't care who you were, I care about who you are. Right here and right now, with me. Screw the past. You are trying to change your future." Her hands tighten around my own. "Just talk to me."

Maybe it's the way she says it. It leaves me with hope, that I won't scare her away with the monster I have been. The monster I could be still. 

"I was...to young to be aware of it at the time but when my mother passed away it left me with," I shrug at the loss of words. "A void. A chasm. A depression I never truly knew I had. I did not realize it until a trip to Starling City. Just recently actually." I refuse to allow this story to simply weigh us down. "I met this woman in a library while looking for a book."

Sara's smile is small and shy now. Bashful even. Adorable.

"She refused to _anything_ other than a friend, and having never had one I never realized how good it felt to have." I offer a smile of my own. My hands still shake. Everything else had been a suggestion until now. "For the first time in my life I allowed myself to be swept up in a storm. I can only hope she enjoyed my company half as much as I hers. After a week I was forced to leave said friend. It was not until after that I realized."

Sara's eyes search my own. I end the story with complete honesty.

"I had nothing in my old life, my past. No family worth having, no friends to speak of...Sara you consumed a place in my life I never knew I needed. You forced me to realize how horrible that life felt. How horrible I felt. The truth is _I_ was nothing. For a very long time and the truth of that made me furious." I swipe away an unruly tear. "I left that life behind me to do something better with my life. Had I never met you I do not know that I would have ever had the courage to."

She opens her mouth to speak. I cut her off quickly. "I am telling you this because whatever may happen and someday whatever you may hear...I did try to walk the right path. For once." Her eyes seem clouded with tears and she smiles when I brush them off her cheeks. "Please let me tell you the truth, before I lose my nerve." She nods-standing and moving to the seat beside mine.

* * *

 Sara nods slowly after I finish. I have left out the name of the League, their true purpose and that I had been an assassin. "So let's see if I've got this..." she glances at me. "You grew up in a 'palace,"

"Fortress."

"Nyssa, anybody ever called 'Princess' lives in a palace." I silently agree to disagree with her. "You're a trained fighter and you worked for your dad, Ra's al Ghul," her head dips, eyes still on mine, silently asking if she's saying it correctly. I nod. "All in this place called Nada Parbat?" 

"Correct."

Her calm demeanor has long since caused my own posture to relax. "In Tibet?" I nod again. There's a long silence after that causes an uncomfortable coil in my stomach again. Worry. I blink in surprise when she grins at me. I call her name quietly and she jumps from her seat.

"Alright."

Her hands find my shoulder's as I continue to sit and she crowds into my personal space. Her face becomes serious again and I feel as though I'm standing in front of her father on her birthday and he is asking me if I want a slice of cake. Is this a test? Is this what relationships are? A series of trials?

"I'm glad you got away from it. From him. I'm really happy you're here." For all my foresight and skill I did not see her saying anything close to this. I should have. This is Sara Lance and she has always surprised me. A part of me is relieved she did not ask me, I told her my past, leaving out the killer of myself. I am still far to terrified to tell her the complete truth.

I am still new as the Starling City Vigilante, barely two months in. It will be January after tomorrow. I worry still. However good it is that she is still here and listening, she may still turn from me when she hears the whole truth.

The silence is deafening. "Your dad...he'll be angry won't he?" Her voice is soft in the space between us.

"He has realized my absence by now. Eventually he will send for me but I have no intention of returning. He _and_ that life are cursed and I was a fool for not seeing it sooner." It may have been to much of the truth to quickly, she looks concerned now. She asks me what limits he may go to, I do not wish to frighten her away...but this is a truth she needs. To know how much danger she's in and to be prepared for what may come.

"There are no limits." Before I can go into anymore details, my still-new-cellphone begins to go off I my pocket. Sara blinks in surprise when I fish it out before she shoots me a glare.

" _Why_ did I not know you have a phone and who even has the number?" This sounds like jealousy again. Felicity's name is lit across the screen, Sara's frown deepens. "You said I shouldn't worry about her." She mutters.

"As well you shouldn't." I answer quickly before answering the call. Before I can offer any pleasantries, Felicity begins rambling.

"Have you seen the news? Probably not it just happened like a minute ago. You didn't hear anything outside? No, you're to far. I saw it from the office. The real one not the other one, although I'm sure I may have. May have?" She sounds like she could loose oxygen at the rate she's speaking. Sara's glare fades to curiosity at my changing expression. My anxiety goes up when Felicity rambles like this about trouble.

Was there an attack?

I call her attention back to why she called. Felicity pauses with a small 'thank you' before going on. "I never thought he would come here. He's only ever been active in Gotham."

One of Wayne's? Here?

"I think they call him...Calendar Man?"

* * *

Sara had tried to argue with me over coming with me but I had been steadfast that she return home, she only relented after putting her number in my contacts list and a promise to call her as soon as I could. She kissed me, quickly, before parting ways and I'm ashamed to say I almost forgot why I was rushing out in the first place.

There has been an explosion downtown.

Felicity stands from the desk as I rush in asking for more information. "I'm sorry I ruined time with Sara." She twists her fingers together, lips tight. I shake my head and insist this is important. I swore I wouldn't allow this city to burn. I ask her what she knows about the 'Calendar Man', I always thought he was ridiculous. She returns to the monitors.

"Julian Gregory Day A.K.A Calendar Man. Arkham Asylum regular, serial killer with a focus on holidays and significant dates." The image on the screen is a bald sickly looking middle-aged white man, either scars or tattoos of the months of the year circle the width of his head. "They had him locked in solitary confinement for a while now, they're still investigating his escape."

"And the explosion site?"

"No confirmed dead...yet. I know it's gonna be hard but we have to wait this out," she rambles a moment about whether or not she should have called me so early before shaking her head. "You can comb over whatever is left and we can go from there." There's a short pause after I agree before there's another alert on her screen. "He left a note." Another pause. " _Bringing in the New Year with a bang_."

"I need more information on how he operates. His usual plans and attacks. Anything will do at this point."

"So far you know all there is. His plans change by the holiday and dates and so do his weapons. He apparently dressed as Thor once. He's eccentric though and there aren't a ton of places in Starling he could hit like in Gotham. Maybe any place planning a celebration?" My stomach drops.

Laurel has been planning a gala to help fund the office she interns with in the Glades. "We wait to check and then I have an idea of where he may go next. I need to speak with Laurel tonight." Felicity nods and continues to survey the incoming information about the incident.

The breaks in the silence are not terribly long because Felicity refuses to allow me to wallow in my ideas that I could have prevented this somehow. She rambles between the news feeds about ideas for every passing thought. We end up on a code-name for me instead of 'The Vigilante', I had never thought twice about it. What I should be called. It made no difference to me and I told her as much.

"But it's important." She insisted. "What about...The Viper?"

"No and no." I do not pause in sharpening my weapons.

"Tigress?"

"Taken by a regular in Gotham and no."

"Really?" She hums in thought before another silence settles. "The Red Arrow?"

I chuckle, pausing in thought before shaking my head. "I enjoy red but no." I glance over the crimson arrow heads. She continues to list names, I start to wonder if this is for her or myself...and I realize maybe it's for both of us.

"Scarlet Hunter? Oh! Scarlet Huntress!" I tell her to add it to the maybe list and she does a small cheer. "Crimson Specter?" I smirk and tell her no again.

* * *

Finally. _Finally_ , after the dust has settled and a perimeter is set up I make my way downtown. I stay in the shadows of the rooftops as I survey the damage...Day's bomb had decimated half of the Rocket's Stadium. Rubble lies as far as the opposite side of the street, caving in a few nearby buildings. Police walk the outside of the perimeter. Felicity speaks with a distracted lilt to her voice.

_"No casualties yet...but a lot of people hurt and potentially handicapped for the rest of their lives. There's two who may not make it but they're in surgery."_

Getting by the police is not a problem when they tend not to look up. Trying to find some clue in the destruction Day left behind is a bit more challenging. Besides fragments of the bomb I need some idea that he may attack the Gala next. It's the only lead we have and it is only an assumption at this moment. Eyeing the gaping hole I wonder why he did this in the first place. Why leave Gotham? Especially after escaping Arkham.

But it clicks. Wayne would never have stopped looking for him. He still may not stop.

A shuffle behind me draws my attention. My arrow pulls tight as I aim down the hall, what's left of it. It looks like a police officer, he's wearing the uniform. "Felicity," she hums in my ear. "Are the officers cleared to be inside?"

_"Uh no, they're requesting a specialty team but that won't clear until tomorrow. Maybe."_

I lower my weapon. "Hello, Mr. Day." The mask offers only a small distortion. It's enough. He stays in the shadows but his head tips. I ask him the straightforward question. Why? Why this, why now, why here. He only answers one.

"I happen to like dates." His voice is higher than I assumed it would be. Oddly relaxed but waiting.

"Why not stay home for this one?"

"...They don't deserve my... _charms_ -this year. Not after what they've done to me." I ask him because there's nothing to loose by doing so and what reason does he have to lie? He tells me the truth. "Because they stole from me." His voice becomes angry and his shoulders tense. I feel the moment slipping and I quickly aim, but he is only just faster than I anticipated.

The arrow glances off the wall where his knee had been a moment ago. He's gone by the time I reach the end of the hall. I ask Felicity if there were anymore cameras active. Her answer was disappointing but not unexpected. The bomb had caused to much damage. I curse myself as I snatch up the arrow.

If I had been the woman I was before he would be dead by now and the police would have been finished with no other chance at anymore casualties or injuries. I let the thought pass. That is not who I want to be. I take a moment to collect myself, to realize that besides Day returning to the crime we still have nothing to go on but our original suspicion that he'll attack the Gala next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so sorry it's taken me so long to get anything posted. I've been working on this chapter a lot, I've changed a lot of things in it and Calendar Man is not at all easy to write for. 
> 
> I have also still been dealing with stress from work and a loss in the family so it has been a long few months. I will do my best to do better. I know fight scenes are terrible, it is not my strong point but I'm trying!
> 
> T.T


	13. Keeping Dates (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am tired of worrying that I cannot be better. I have no other option but to be better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own any characters in the DC universe! I apologize for any redundancy. 
> 
> Happy reading.

I stop by Laurel's office early the next morning. Felicity was at her 'actual job', her phrasing, and Sara was still fast asleep. Early being before 8AM. Laurel is surprised to see me but her smile is still warm. "I'd hug you but I know you're not a hug person." Her smile slips into a smirk. I thank her and she laughs. "Not that I'm not happy to see you, but why the sudden visit?" She stands from her desk. 

"The Gala you've been planning,"

"It's already planned. Tommy helped actually, surprisingly." She waves a hand and apologizes for cutting me off. Had I been someone else it would have bothered me, but this is Laurel.

"When is it?"

"Tomorrow. Hopefully people will show up, we need something to hope for after that bomb." She pulls a card from her desk and holds it out to me. It's elegant. Designed on a shimmering cardstock with looping cursive. It seems very...Laurel. "I was gonna have Sara give it to you but since she obviously didn't and you're here," She smiles again.

"I hadn't realized I was invited." I had heard nothing of it since Felicity told me. It may have been the wrong thing to say, Laurel frowns.

"Sara was supposed to invite you the second I told her about the event. I started planning this with Tommy a couple weeks ago. She didn't tell you?"

Sara must not want to attend. "Felicity told me..." I choose not to say yesterday. It may get Sara into more trouble. "I figured it was," Private. "For another kind of people." I offer a small smile of my own. She scoffs at me. I wish, again, that Talia had been this kind of person. Free of hate and greed.

"Please," she places her hand on my arm and squeezes for a moment before pulling away. "You are exactly the kind of people that go to these things. Especially for Sara." I ask what she means. "Cultured." She laughs. "If you go so will she and then I can have a casual way to talk to her about the thing I haven't talked to her about yet." She rambles, her smile slipping into a worried scowl.

I am unsure what to do but it's clear she needs to tell someone something. "Are you alright?"

She smiles, lips tight. "Yeah. I-I um...I broke up with Oliver." She waves an errant hand again as if it doesn't matter. I ask her when it happened, Sara would be happy. "Like a week ago. He never took it seriously and honestly I don't think I did either." She nods to herself. "What's the point of a relationship if you just ignore all the other girls you know he sleeps with." It sounds like a question but it isn't, she smirks afterward. 

"Plus there's been...another person I've had my eyes on for a bit." She worries her bottom lip and I pretend not to notice the blush. "It was just time. Past time honestly." She laughs and I smile back. "If you were another person I'd ask you not to tell Sara, but you're you so I don't have to." She's right. It is her story to tell her sister.

* * *

After talking with Sara later that night and figuring out a proper time to attend and her many attempts to back out of it because, "It's not my thing." We decide to go to the gala an hour after it begins. Much to Sara's dismay. Felicity insists on communication devices and a stashed bag in a camera blind spot just in case Day chooses to attack. It's our best lead, our only lead. A celebration of the new year.

Sara groans as she wraps her hand around my elbow. I almost forget why we're here. Why I'm here.

"Why did we come again? I hate these things." I chuckle and cover her hand with my own. "Oh yeah 'cause I'm a good sister." She continues to grumble under her breath as we walk inside. A man takes our names and smiles politely as we pass. Between searching for Laurel and anyone that looks like Day I forget myself for a moment. Only a moment. Sara gently tugs my arm.

"Where are you?" I turn to her. The light catches her hair. I wish this was all this was. This moment. She smiles.

"I'm here and apparently the luckiest person." I pull her closer. She blushes and tells me I am 'smooth', I'll have to ask what that means later.

She pulls me deeper into the party. Are there always so many people at these events? I have to remind myself to breath when the walls feel like they're closing in. I am unused to being in the company of so many people at once...like this. Personally. The building feels to small for the size of the event. Being here for Day and Sara is mildly sobering. I hold onto Sara a little tighter.

We find Laurel with Felicity near the bar. Laurel wears a black dress and Felicity is in blue. They smile when they see us. Laurel hugs her sister and offers me a handshake with a grateful expression. "Nice dress, did Nyssa pick it out?" She smirks as Sara smooths her dress, red, with a blush.

"Shut up."

Laurel laughs. "Nice suit." She glances over my choice of outfit. "You two may be the best dressed here." It is nice to know I can pick up on jokes now. Her face becomes serious as she pulls Sara aside.

I take her vacant spot beside Felicity. She watches the people with her back to the bar and I copy her. "Hopefully he left town by now." She muses. I tell her there is little chance of that, because there _is_ little chance. "You have read his file and under that kind of psychosis I doubt he'll have fled just yet." I remind her that he had stayed at the bombing sight.

"Well let's hope we get him tonight then. We won't have any other leads if this goes south." Felicity's lips pinch in frustration before she sighs. "You have to get him tonight Nyssa. Starling can't take another bombing if that's what he's planning."

A hand slaps my shoulder and my reflexes move before I realize it, thankfully my grip is not to tight. It's Sara.

"I'm kinda mad that my sister told you about her breakup before she told me." Her grin says otherwise. "But I guess I'm just glad you're getting along." She turns her hand so it holds mine. Laurel appears over her shoulder. Sara glances back. "So who is it?"

"Who's what?" Laurel takes a glass off a passing tray.

"The person you're interested in," as if it is obvious, maybe to her it is. "It's not Tommy is it?"

"No." The answer is immediate and the uncomfortable grimace that accompanies it tells me it is the truth. Sara laughs and the frown falls away. "There are other people that I talk to you know. People at work...at school...the street." She motions towards the doors with her glass. I smile when Sara laughs.

The next hour passes and Laurel circles back after talking to a few guests. Felicity stays close to Sara and I. She seems as uncomfortable as I feel. Sara brings up the new phone only once and Felicity blushes before waving it off as a gift she thought Sara would appreciate. The entire time I keep my eyes on the people, the ones beside us, by the doors, the second floor.

"-ith me, please?" I blink, coming back to myself. Sara. She has been talking and I tuned her out. She smiles-warm. She asks me again and I nod taking the hand she offers. I cling to her. Lost in a sea of strangers. I barely register Felicity following us as I watch Sara lead us through the crowd, she glances back at me with a grin. It may not be possible for me to keep these two lives separate any longer. Being with her makes me forget that I am here for another purpose.

Through the masses I see Oliver Queen talking with Merlyn's son. Quentin and Dinah Lance laughing about something, this is the most relaxed I had ever seen him. Laurel-where Sara had been leading us-talking to a woman with brown hair in waves with a police badge pinned to her black leather jacket.

"Is this the person?" Felicity whispers. Sara smirks again, deviously, and almost sprints to her sister's side.

Laurel pauses mid-sentence and shoots a glare at her sister who smiles far to sweetly. She asks to be introduced to her new friend. "This is my... _annoying_ ," Sara's smirk broadens. "Little sister, Sara." She motions back to the woman. "Sara, this is Dinah Drake. She just transferred from Central City."

Dinah offers a hand and an easy smile. "This is the sister, nice to meet you. Your dad talks about you two all the time." Sara takes her hand. I can tell she's sizing her up. This Dinah can only be a step up from Oliver Queen. "I have also heard that Dinah is your mom's name," she nods to Laurel. "And your sister's name. Never knew it was so popular."

"Neither did I." Laurel offers a half smile. She seems different here. She had seemed so relaxed before and she tensed when we came over. "Dinah is in line to take over for dad...when he retires at the age of seventy."

"It may be longer than that." Dinah jokes back. Her eyes turn to Felicity and I.

Laurel rushes to make further introductions. "This is our friend Felicity and Sara's more cultured girlfriend, Nyssa." Is that what Sara and I were? We had yet to talk about it in such certain terms but Sara's excited grin when she turns to look at me removes the idea of talking about it from my mind completely.

It's another hour and still nothing. I still glance over all the guests again and again until I feel as though my eyes will roll out of my skull if I continue. We had left Laurel to continue to talk to Ms. Drake, anyone could see her smile from across the room. Sara insists she'll reserve judgment until she knows her better but I can tell having something more in common with her only sibling makes her happier. Felicity begins to worry that we were in fact wrong and Day has 'skipped town'.

"At this point the anticipation may be literally killing me." She mumbles into her second glass of champagne.

"It is nothing so dramatic." She scoffs at my statement. Her frustration is endearing. However, I cannot allow myself to think that we had this wrong. That _I_ had this wrong. There was nothing else in Starling City that had so much of a crowd for the New Year as this. If Day wanted something this was the best place to accomplish it. Even a mastermind can only do so much with limited funds.

Felicity glances behind me and I see a flash of panic but before I can turn I hear him, not Day. That would have been preferred. "I have seen a lot of beautiful women, but you may be the most beautiful yet." Oliver Queen. The lilt in his voice hides nothing of his intentions, I hope he means Felicity but when I turn he meets my gaze. He smiles. Full of lies and broken promises and far more sadness than I'm sure even he realizes.

I wonder if he believes himself more or less after all these years. 

"Thank you, goodbye." The way the smile falls for a moment he was not expecting such an abrupt answer. I turn back to Felicity she offers me a small smirk. He hums before trying again. His voice changes and I wonder if he thinks it sounds sweeter. I have a small temptation strike him but I push it away, he will eventually lose interest and move to the next woman. I've met to many men like him in my time with the League.

Another voice covers his. A little louder. Sara. "Can I help you, Ollie?" She strides passed him before turning to him directly.

His mouth cycles through opening and closing for a moment before he offers a small smile. "I was just,"

"You can just," she cuts him off. "Not. Maybe? Have you tried that yet?" His smile falls. "No? Well never mind then." She smiles, sweet. "I am curious though, was breaking up with my sister her idea or yours?"

"It was hers." His voice has lost its edge. He is uncomfortable but that is what Sara wanted.

Sara nods slowly. "Guess she got sick of pretending it was an actual relationship. You know, with you with a new girl every weekend." Mr. Queen coughs before glancing around quickly. I can see Thomas Merlyn attempting not to laugh behind him as I hear Felicity behind us trying to do the same.

"You know I never said anything about it because for a while it seemed like she actually liked you and then it just turned into keeping up appearances and now she breaks up with you, finally, and you don't even care. What was the point of being with my sister if you never cared in the first place? Please, tell me." The humor is gone. I wonder if there was any moment in the beginning of Laurel and Oliver Queen when she went to her sister in tears over something he had done.

He tells her he always cared, that Laurel has always been an amazing friend.

"If she was just a friend you probably shouldn't have tried dating. You are an asshole Ollie, but I know somewhere under that," she gestures to him. " _Image_ you project to the world is an actually decent guy. Maybe you should try getting in touch with him before breaking other girl's hearts or hitting on _my_ girlfriend." She glare at him as she pulls me away, Felicity trailing behind us.

"That was great." Felicity grins. "Like best-part-of-this-night-so-far...great." She laughs with Sara.

* * *

Another hour passes before everything is suddenly chaos. Laurel is making a toast to all the people donating money and simply just attending when a series of explosions rock the building.

I tuck Sara and Felicity low to the floor as debris and rubble begin to fall. Across the room I watch as Sara's father shields his wife and quickly pulls out his phone, Dinah pulling Laurel away from a collapsing wall, screams and howls of terror as guests dart for the doors. Between one heartbeat and the next I wonder how I can possibly help get as many people to safety and search for Day.

In all the noise and confusion I see him, from the top of the stairs. Smiling. He turns on his heel, climbs the stairs and recedes further into the destruction. My blood boils.

I shout over the other screams at Felicity to keep Sara safe, to take a side exit or window if she has to. She nods that she understands and I duck into the cacophony of sound before Sara can pull me back, I hear her calling for me. She's terrified. It only serves to make my anger more intense. Anyone of the people I, or Sara, care about could have been killed. Sara could have been killed.

Her parents.

Her sister.

Her friends.

I tear into the bag Felicity left in the blind-spot. There's a moment before I clear my thoughts-I could kill him.

My feet track the path he'd gone down before leaving my line of sight. He'll be close to the back of the building by now or already outside. I had taken to long. I curse myself for even attending the event. I should have stayed somewhere outside where I could have tracked him better. I need to do better.

The alarm on the fire door sounds when I shoulder it open. I can hear the scream of sirens as I enter the street, the left side is clear. I turn to take in the right and stop.

He's waiting for me here. In his excitement and rush it does not appear as though he has gone to great lengths as he was prone to in Gotham. He wears a simple suit, the ring of months around his head seem to stand out against the backdrop of the city lights behind him. He smiles.

"Here I thought the only vigilante was in Gotham, I wonder if he knows you're here?" His voice is calm. He takes a step forward. "No? To bad. Did you enjoy the performance?" He continues to watch me as he sweeps a hand toward the burning building beside us. "Not my best work of course but I _was_ in a rush." Another step.

Finally. "Before, you said Gotham had stolen from you. Explain." I need to know.

His smile falls and he glowers at me. "It was not so much Gotham as Arkham but I suppose somewhere down the line those two become one in the same. They locked me further from time than I have ever been." Solitary. For someone obsessed with time I can imagine it drove him deeper into his mind. "They robbed the most precious thing from me, the passage of one millennium to another." His words fade in a deep husk as he takes another step.

"I'm sure you can understand how...disheartening something like that could be for someone like me." He squares his shoulders. "I _am_ the Calendar Man, and I _always_ keep my dates."

He smiles again and I step back when he pulls something from behind him and hurls it at my feet. My eyes close against the bright flare. Bastard. Years of training for situations just like this keep my on my feet. He's still a blur when I open my eyes and I only just duck under the arm I finally see. He grunts at the quick strike to his ribs. He has the advantage of catching me off guard. Trying to hit him with an arrow would be foolish, he is far to close and until my vision clears I could miss and hit a pedestrian.

My bow stays tight around my torso as we circle each other. He has more skill than I had thought he might but on the same hand I knew it would be idiotic of me to underestimate him. I can see his grin in the darkness. I misjudge a shadow and stumble back from the force of his kick to my abdomen. That's going to bruise

I still hear sirens and shouts of people, the rushing of my blood sounds like it's apart from me, the blood and bruises and attempts on my life fade into the background. I ignore the blood from the cut on my forehead, even when the blood further clouds my vision. I ignore the pain in my leg from a sharp kick that almost makes me buckle. Everything else...it does not matter here. Not now. Nothing else but the could-haves and the facts remain.

He could have killed Felicity. I hear his breath leave him from the force of my knee to his gut.

He could have killed Laurel. The skin on his cheek splits under the repeated impact from my knuckles.

He could have killed Quentin and Dinah. He has killed several others. There are people that will never get to see a loved one again. Because of him...and he does not care. He still smirks. He laughs after I kick his legs out from underneath him and he lands hard. 

He could have killed Sara. Sara. The only thing that keeps me from snapping his neck. Again I see the flash of a beaten League member behind my eyes as all the noise around me filters out to the wet packing sound of my fist striking his face. I can feel his blood slick between my knuckles. Still, he laughs. I want to break him. I want to hit him so hard that suddenly he'll realize. Everything.

But that's not going to happen. Mr. Day is a madman and I will not lose myself for him. He watches me as I pull back.

There's a long moment of silence where he watches me with a curious but wary expression. He is not my responsibility to punish beyond this. If Gotham decides to kill him that will be on them, not myself. A quick, hard jab and his head makes a sickening crack against the pavement and he goes limp. I could have beaten him to death and maybe it will always bother me if he manages to escape again and do this all over...but I can't.

I am tired of worrying that I cannot be better. I have no other option but to be better.

Shouts pull me from my thoughts and I turn when I hear the door begin to screech open. I slink into the shadows before they have the chance to see me. I watch with mild satisfaction as they cuff Mr. Day and call for an ambulance. He'll live.

* * *

Felicity is in my ear while I climb the next few buildings. Always using arrows to get me somewhere will have me forgetting how to climb on my own. My hands only slip on a pipe once. From the blood. "Three deaths, a lot of injured...there may end up being an amputation or two from what I overheard the medics say. So far it's a lot worse than the stadium."

I sigh when my feet plant steady on a rooftop. "How is Sara...her family? How are you?"

Her voice shakes with something I can't quite name. Fear or fading adrenaline maybe. "I'm uh...I'm cool. A little shaken up." She mumbles under her breath, "So not looking forward to the call I'm gonna have to make to my mom about almost dying." She sighs. "Sara is okay. She's with her family. She is also super pissed at you by the way." We both chuckle at that.

"She's worried about you. You should really come back before they start to ask to many questions. You still have time to say you were helping people and got stuck in the building. They're still filing people out of the ashes. Hurry up." The way she rushes at the end has me wondering who is coming over to talk to her. Most likely Sara. Felicity is right, I need to get back before there are to many questions.

Stashing my new uniform out of sight I make a note of the building and quickly make my way back down. Just as I prepare to hit the ground my hand slips again, years of practice keep my ankles from rolling. The impact still sends a numbing shock up my legs and I stumble back. I curse and tell myself to practice free running more often as I attempt to walk off the pain and make my way back to the destruction of the Gala as quickly as I can.

Minutes later I file out of the building with the last of the remaining people, covered in soot and blood.

" _Nyssa_!" Her voice cracks with worry and I remember how she sounded when she shouted for me while the building fell around us. She folds herself into my arms and we almost fall backwards from the force of it. We stay there for a moment before she rips herself away and I see her eyes flash with rage, the strike to my cheek comes as a shock.

I blink in surprise, she continues to glare at me. "What the fuck?" She shoves me. "What the _actual_ fuck, Nyssa!" She shoves me harder and I almost step back. Tears muddle the color of her eyes in the glare of the flashing lights on the street. "Why?"

"People needed help." It was not a complete lie. I nod to the people being corralled and given oxygen at the back of the ambulance.

"I was scared...for you. I know you're strong and brave and...I know you like to help people." The woman who had been attacked on the pier. "But I was terrified it was going to get you killed this time." The anger in her eyes gives way to pain. Her lips squeeze into a thin line as she struggles to stay calm, deep breaths through her nose and between her teeth. "I can't-," She chokes on her words and shakes her eyes. Eye fall to the ground between us.

I fold her into my arms again and pay little mind to the way her fingers pull at my shirt, fingernails pinching. I whisper apologies when I feel her tears against my shoulder.

* * *

It's not terribly long after, the paramedics making sure everyone is taken care of and police finish questioning, that Sara and her sister along with Felicity and Dinah crowd with us and Sara's parents. Mrs. Lance asks how I am, if I need anything. Her worry makes my chest feel tight as I reassure her I am in fact fine. Sara had insisted on a bandage for the cut on my forehead.

Laurel is close to Dinah. They mumble to each other, Dinah's eyes continuously scan Laurel for injuries even though I'm sure she's been doing that since the explosion. She's taken the time to drape her jacket over Laurel's shoulders.

Everyone is slowly making their ways home, to the hospital, or the police station.

Sara breaks the tense silence. "So...I dunno about everyone else but I'm starving." She glances at everyone. "Anyone else?"

"God yes." Felicity puffs, smiling. Laurel and Dinah nod. "I could eat." The latter offers a shrug. Her parents smile and nod. "Big Belly Burger?" Felicity offers. Even I agree.

We decide to walk there. It feels nice. Normal. Sara all but clings to my hand. Everyone makes small talk. Trying to ignore the disaster that was tonight. Even Quentin talks to me while we walk. Not much but I can see Sara's smile in my periphery.

Every other customer stares as we enter. A small party of people covered in ashes and bandages and blood. Who would not stare at such a sight?

We ignore them. Order our food and sit at the largest booth they have. I insisted on a salad. Sara calls it 'Blasphemy' and Felicity and Laurel laugh. We stay there well after we've finished eating. It was almost easy to forget the Gala to begin with. Almost. I still wonder in the back of my mind about what will happen to Day from here.

But that is for tomorrow. Today has been enough.

* * *

It's the next night Felicity tells me to check the arena again. When I asked her the purpose she simply said it was a precaution but I doubted it.

Tonight I was ready to call patrol to an end early. I was Exhausted. We all were. I had insisted that Sara stay with her family, she needed them more than she needed me last night. Felicity had stayed in the spare room of my apartment and had been on the phone with her mother until well into the morning.

I see him before my feet plant against the ground. Solid and silent. His back is to me but he knows when I land.

"I apologize for this. The damage." Even without the modulator his voice is deep. It seems to reverberate off of itself. Someday I may ask him if it was always this way.

"You could not have known."

He turns to me, his cowl masks most of his features save for the regret in his eyes and the deep frown his mouth is set in. "But I should have. I allowed myself overconfidence with him, just once and this is what it got me. Us." He nods to the destruction. "I still don't know how he got out but I'm looking into it."

"It is appreciated. You needn't have come all this way." I move to stand beside him. "Gotham still needs you."

"That's why it's important to have others. It took me far to long to realize that." He takes a deep breath. "People like us need others to keep us from being consumed." I think of Sara, of Laurel, Felicity...it makes it easier. "Gotham will survive a few hours without me. I need to be here, to see." He turns to me. "To thank you."

I shake my head. "You don't,"

He cuts me off. "I do. I know your family, I know how they think. I know you could have killed him but you didn't." He looks away for just a moment. "To see someone that lived their whole life in darkness but still come out with a changed mind and a set code of how to do," he waves an errant hand. "All of _this_. It gives me hope. That this isn't for nothing."

He holds out a hand. "So thank you." His grip is firm when I take it. "I owe you."

"You do not, but _thank you_ all the same." His mouth twitches as though he wants to smile. Before he takes his leave he turns back to me, foot planted on the edge of the building and ready to dive to the streets below.

"I know you have Bane for back alley information on your sister and father, and that will be useful. Bane hates your father more than most so I assume he was happy to agree. If I hear anything I'll pass it by you."

"Have you heard anything at all?"

"Nothing except that he knows you've defected. I haven't heard anything else. If I do you'll be the first to know." He nods once and without another word disappears over the ledge. A moment later I hear the roar of engines, I watch his custom car glide down the street. How people have not realized Batman is Bruce Wayne I may never know. Who else could afford such a commodities?

There's a long moment of silence before Felicity breaks it. " _Cool_." Her voice full of reverence. I chuckle. 

"I suppose so."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this was awful, Calendar Man is super hard to write but I got the idea from an old story in Batman, he once gave the thought of going to Starling City after he beat Batman, so that was where this jumble came from.
> 
> Hope you liked it! I kinda rushed the end. I will still use some episode story lines from the TV show to flush this out a little but I hope not to do that very often.

**Author's Note:**

> Got this idea from a post and I've yet to see it done this way so I'm gonna give it my best shot. It's my first time posting in this fandom, my second story on this site in general. The first chapter is short, I'm trying to get into Nyssa's head space. There won't be to much detail in fights or missions other than what they are, not yet anyway. That's not my strong suit but I'll do my best.


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